Posted by alexandra_k on August 18, 2014, at 20:17:31
i'm starting to... come to terms with(?)... the idea of taking another year. to prepare. though i guess it might be better to think of it as being on the journey rather than focusing overly on the destination which seems to recede proportionally to my approach. or something. (that's an inverse relationship - right?)
i guess i feel upset that it will take me two years... what could be done in one. but then partly i just need to accept things for the way that things are. and i suppose i can also think that however much i rail about how much money this is costing me in terms of student debt the places that could rush me through faster would cost (even if i were local) at least twice as much. so... i guess that later point helps with acceptance.
the pressure feels lifted, somewhat. to feel that i have another year. which is... perhaps pretty crucial, actually, since i got stressed to point of meltdown last weekend. it means i feel more tolerant of others. instead of feeling like there is time pressure. i suspect it will also help me learn. with the panic... there is a little bit of 'just tell me what i need to do to get an A'. with the panic off... i feel more able to explore tangents that turn out to be fundamental. little things that take time but would be good to have them automatic. drawing a scale ratio on biology drawings... magnitude conversions for units... i'd feel a lot happier going into labs that matter when i'm reasonably confident i can do it all myself... even while simultaneously entertaining my laboratory partner... i think i probably can get there... but it is going to take some time given certain constraints that i don't have the power to change...
it means i can do the bio-med papers that aren't part of the overlapping 4 next year. biosci 101 which is... well... the first half of it is background for stuff we are doing now in animal bio. i can kludge along quite well because i do have background knowledge in cladestics etc... but i'm probably missing some stuff that would be useful to know... and the cognitive load would be lightened considerably if i'd have had more practice in the form of having done that class already...
bio-chem... they say you should have done organic first... but that means it is largely revision from organic and the cell and developmental classes of the previous semester. meant to be a load lightener / revision for the bio-med kids. which makes it useful preparation for me... to help prepare me for the classes it is supposed to be revising ha.
it means... i can do maths 102 which opens doors... the intro calculus paper that is required for 2nd year chemistry and physics (and helps considerably with aspects of 1st year continuing). to more maths, even... if i really do take to physics...
anyway... life is okay. i guess.
afraid... of what will happen with me at the end of next year. whether i'll get disability renewed, or what. but i guess... one day at a time... just enjoy things best i can for now..
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1069972
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20140718/msgs/1069972.html