Posted by rjlockhart37 on February 27, 2014, at 0:15:05
to start, this post is to reveal my personal life at the current moment, and also some of my beliefs, and things that i would like to help other people with, desite the non accomplishment, and at times wimp character.....
i've been looking the army cadets of america, obviously i can't join because im 26, but still the fact that i wasted these years from being ripped off amphetamines, and sitting duck for 4 years. disipline is what i want to have, i have lacked it long, cowardly behavior turns into basically failure,comfort zone to wig out somewhere safe is the worst social descion to others and yourself....people view as a coward, have no respect or regard, and look down on exactly what it is: failure....
just like in the bible, matthew 5:30
"And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell"and believe me there is nothing worthy of running away, i've ran away, and looked what happened i earned a simple award of what was planted....
so, moving on, the stuff that's going on right now, im in school, 3 days a week....it's simple, nothing challanging, and all the rest, reading on random things on the net, and then going to bed everynight tormented, i've finally got to a stage to where this can't be anymore....
living on expenses of random jobs, i've done some work with SSI, the benefits are not good, i have to find something to move out....larger income, and browsing schools to teach training, is in the process....
my personal beliefs in jesus christ is on a test trial, i've had many slips, and times where it looks like all of it was belief in b*llsh*t....but there is a true god, don't really give up on it....
thoughts at this time, i don't want to post because they change.....but under all this, im a 26 year old in current 2014, i research about god, and dark times i get on and look up black magick and dark stuff....it's a desire to learn of everything....and.. looking at people's profiles on facebook wishing i could meet them or be my friend, yet they have no idea i exist....when i go out, school, anywhere, im pretty nice guy, i like to hear people talk, but im quiet, and sometimes have to go under someone's wing...because wearing masks of being strong, and then when it comes off....realize how weak and vunerable, it can be...social masks are lies, being a fake image to be seen rather than be it all the time it's not the real person......and just like my little quote on my signature "unheard pain is told through good company" is trusting people to love you by telling the real feelings.....the pain, being around warm hearted people, are there when the inner person needs support....but enough of this ranty sensitive feelings yak yak...
but who ever you are, that read this, who i am is kinda what i post here....yet i don't want anyone to know my personal name, i just want to help people, out of all this dark stages, people told me to stop focusing on yourself and help others, and i did exactly that, and realized you have to be stable to help others, it would be like a concrete platform that was supporting another level, yet it's foundations flawed....
so...in personal achievement, my first role is to be honest, coming out, all that i have to come out is the things evident written in my writings, but don't get a wrong impression of me, i posted many posts in the past that where bullcrap attention seeking, obsessive....no more....lied, made up....but in achieving, to learn to learn faster, my goal right now is in computers, but i have no idea from the this point how it's gonna turn....i would skip class because one, people didnt like me, 2nd i didnt understand the stuff....and those two together made a combination of not wanting to do anything related to college....or school, or anything....being alone, being scared, nothing looks good.....no boo hoo stories from me....
but more over, writing that the past isnt the present, and it can have no link at all, and future is there.....don't dwell on the past, like i am doing right now, being pessismitic and remorseful of failure.....the pain is genuine, but it's not gonna do any good to dwell on it....unheard pain is told through good company, so my say for a little thing, is if you have a hurt, find places, not just these mental hospitals, a heart to heart convo with someone or alot of people you know you can trust.....watch out for people who smile to your face, and have love come out of their mouth, kiss you on the cheek, and usally they wink at you.... under that is a socipath....not all the time but be aware of that....always be aware of flattering love from people lips, flattering with impressive statements that mean nothing and don't give into it, unless sure it's true heart words....
but ending this, i am grateful for all the postive things in my life...and also the bad things, because negative also is a part of this life....and it shapes the personality....but on the other note even though i don't know who is reading this, that hope in god, is the way to go....pain and pain and more pain create heartache and brokenness, and dwelling on god, in the mind, do what i do, i get on google, and type in "jesus christ"/god/holy spirit manifestation, healing, judgement, goodness, and merciful, well there's a tons a phrases to search in google, one thing is the "god of israel" with jesus christ, or holy spirit, type signs and wonders, believe me i tell you he is there, there's a clip video of people being healed superantually ... it's real, so all this heartache can eliminated with focus on goodness.....
thank you for reading friend...
not a scholar but understand distress.....
"unheard pain, is the told through good company"
poster:rjlockhart37
thread:1061427
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20140129/msgs/1061427.html