Posted by alexandra_k on January 4, 2014, at 16:27:35
In reply to Re: Account for all Periods of Unemployment Past 10 yr » alexandra_k, posted by Poet on January 4, 2014, at 14:09:46
Hi. I hear that sometimes 'sensory integration' or 'sensory processing' issues can be enough to get sufficient accommodations / can be enough to make some kinda sense of what is going on.
Apparently it has more to do with eye contact being 'natural' or not. So trying to look more won't necessarily 'fix' it (people might then think you are staring). I've read some people say they develop rules like 'look between the eyes for 3 seconds then look away' or whatever to have more normally appearing patterns of eye contact... But I don't know that such efforts ever do appear normal to others.
For me... I think I can feel the connectedness that some people get from eye contact... I think this feeling is what they are going for... For me... It burns like a photographic image memory of their face for... Hours. It takes me to recover. Feels like they are crawling inside me for a while there... So... I am reluctant to have this kind of eye contact with people. Certainly not multiple times over the course of a conversation... Or attempting to try and make this connection with every single person I meet on the street - as some people seem to try and do. I think... It is not so much about looking at their eyes... As it is about looking to the middle point inside their head through the black void of their pupils (if that makes sense). And they do that the same time as you. And it is like your minds meld for an instant. like that pic of god and adam touching their finger tip.
I think there is probably some quick little phrase that one can say that would be sufficient for most people. And if that phrase turned out not to be sufficient then that would indicate that the people simply weren't able to be sufficiently understanding / accommodating.
Smiling is a lot like eye contact... There is something about the way that a lot of people are wired up that is a fairly good indicator or... Genuineness. Or honesty. Seems to be how it is typically described. People are able to detect genuine (spontaneously elicited) smiles compared to smiles that people intentionally generate. It isn't really an indicator of honesty, but people take it to be such. It seems to track how people are wired up with respect to their physiology / cognition... Something...
This is where there is starting to be a positive or beneficical stereotype or image that can be positively helpful... You have people like Sheldon on the big bang theory who comes out with the oddest things... That seem borderline sociopathic... Not smiling. Not sharing. Etc. But then things that come hard to others come really easy to him (e.g., loaning Penny money with genuinely no strings attached)... Following through on his promises. Not making promised without careful thought. Ability to focus. Etc.
It is tricky... I have mixed feelings... But it does seem to provide something of a 'way in' for people to understand. You don't need to explain at length... Just trigger that kind of stereotype in people rather than the 'something is off / shifty / shady' alarm. I mean... People find Sheldon... Endearing. Right? And they let him have his chair and they drive him to the dentist... Because there is little else to be done...
I'm thinking of things to say...
I (fingers crossed if all goes well) will have to deal with a med school interview in december. that gives me a while to prepare. one of the things i need to learn is whether i can do appropriate eye contact so i don't come across as odd in this respect. or what to say about it (so it isn't the elephant in the room that results in them bypassing me) that might be acceptable to them. whether to prime them before ... whether to only bring it up in the interview if they notice something is off... whether i can accurately assess whether they notice something is off... i need to figure what to do.
one thing i was thinking was to perhaps tilt my head a bit so one of my ears is a bit closer to them when one is talking. this lets me look (steadily) off to one side. then 'i find it easier to hear what you are saying if i really focus on that' or something... i don't know if that could come across as natural / if that could work. it is another way of saying that i need less sensory input to my eyes (and to try and screen out people reaching around inside my head with their eyes) in order to hear with my ears.
i don't know.
what will patients think? i guess that is really the issue. so i need to figure something that works that i can trot out for most people...
i hope that we both find a way to be that works...
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1057211
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20140102/msgs/1057786.html