Posted by Partlycloudy on October 19, 2013, at 19:32:53
In reply to Re: BTW, I am in crisis, posted by alexandra_k on October 19, 2013, at 18:44:29
No, no, I need to talk this through. The timeline (if it helps) was that I'd asked for marriage counseling, because I felt I wasn't getting any support in my attempts at recovery in mental health. We interviewed a few therapists. The first one was so one-sided; that is, she identified with men overwhelmingly, that I felt I had to give her some feedback at how put off I had felt. This ruled her out as a couples counsellor; but she said she would take on my spouse individually, as he was neutral.
We went to see another therapist together. This one was a better fit and was happy my husband had someone lined up for individual treatment.
We showed (both of us) a lot of improvement during those sessions. We're more considerate of each other, more thoughtful of the challenges each other faced. Then his T was diagnosed with Stage 4 ovarian cancer, very grim. I asked if he was going to consider any of the referrals she'd given him. They had only seen each other a few months. He told me they were just about wrapping things up, and he was planning to terminate, since, as he said, he was "only doing this for" me.
Wow.
And all that had been learned and absorbed in couples treatment slowly fell away. I'm at the point where my T is recommending I spend extended time away from him. See a lawyer. Get my business in order. And leave.
He won't talk about it. I have tried scheduling time with him, being spontaneous in bringing it up sleeping down the hall in the guest room, going to my sister's to visit... He will not go to any more therapy because he is OK, and I am the problem.
I certainly am, by now. It's like having a roommate you really, really got on well with for a long time, and now he's a loud slob. And you are the problem. I can't begin to get through this without help.
We've been through harrowing years recently of his dad's decline and death. His mom lived a mile down the road for a year until he shipped her off to his brother on the west coast. (As in, here's the flight info. It's your turn.)
It has been awful. I can't imagine you could work through just that in a few months of therapy.Unless you didn't speak of them.
So, that's where I am, except we are doing an enormous renovation in the house, just came back from a holiday in Italy where I had a cold and dragged my *ss up and down Pompeii and Hercullaneum. I would have loved to roll down some of the bits, but it was rough going.
poster:Partlycloudy
thread:1052531
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20130914/msgs/1052587.html