Posted by Enigma on November 1, 2010, at 18:45:24
(ignore the last post where I hit enter by mistake)
So after a few weeks of trying to find a new doc, I end up finding my old ECT doc, which it appears he is now on the "meds" game, no longer performing ECT's.
So, because of my "Epic Fail"s with docs in general (especially shrinks), I expected next to nothing from this appt.. so anyway..
I had to wait 1.5 months for this appt (suffering each day while waiting), after waiting many weeks to finally find someone after my last shrink gave up on me - he had no idea how to treat me - thinking he had "tried everything" (hardly), because I'm treatment resistant. Yeah, heaven forbid you open a book or something, maybe do some research on the internet, like all the printouts I've handed him over the months. No lie. On a side on. When I used to work, as a software engineer. If we don't know something, we learn it. Or, we lose our job. It's pretty much that simple. Ahh, being a doctor must be incredible. You can just deny the patient you can't or don't feel like treating, and there will ALWAYS be more.
So I go to this appt. Really, expecting, pretty much nothing.. I got less than nothing, if that's possible.
He waited a month and a half to ask me why I came to see him. I'm 100% serious.
He couldn't have called me to ask me that? He seriously asked me that. My jaw hit the floor. He said "It looks like you've tried everything I would have already suggested", and I was like "and you know that from what, exactly?".. he had no comment, nor did have my last doctors prior records which I had seen for over 1.5 years. He just made that up. Literally. He guessed. I asked him, "How about something for the mania then?", "How about something to sleep".. He gave me a script for Selegeline, which I just told him WAS NOT WORKING, and Lunesta, which I told him I tried already, and it's listed on the sheet in front of you (which I just gave him). "worked for a short time then failed" - is what it read, and I told him that since I wasn't sure if he knew how to read or not. That was it. Then he said he didn't want to change anything else at this time (yeah, why do that and try and help me?) and scheduled another useless appt. in 6 more weeks. 6 weeks?? The lunesta cost $60, so I said forget that, as I didn't want it to fail in 1 week, and throw $50 in the trash, like I did with the prior sleeping pill. (I threw $60 in the trash for the prior one). If he was listening to me at all, he would have understood that the mania and constant racing thoughts were keeping me awake, so sleeping pills would not work on me and that's why they never have.
Then I went out in the hallway and saw my old doc, 1 prior to the last one I had, whom I had to stop seeing because he went to a hospital to treat very sick patients (catatonic types, etc - and since he's back in an office setting now, I take it that job didn't work out).. so he whispers to me that I should see him instead, and I said I just made an appt, so should I change it? Then he quickly changes his mind, and says "just keep things as they are for now".. thoroughly confused, I left the appt as is, but really wanted to see him instead, and was unclear why my wife didn't make the appt with him to begin with instead of the ECT doctor.
Anyway, some docs usually give out a free sample of lunesta or a script for 5 of them, just to see if they work, so I don't have to waste all my money, but he was rushing me out the door, 15 mins before my hour appt was up, for this emergency appt (he got paged during my appt) and I saw this guy eagerly trying to get into the docs office.. as I was thinking to myself, why? Haven't you met him before? He's a complete waste of air, not just as doctor, but as human being.
So that was my last appt. I've been in hell ever since. Thinking of offing myself pretty much every single day.
Yep, this is my life. It's okay, I don't expect it to last much longer. Then I think of my kids, stretch it out a few more days, plan my suicide again, and back and forth. It's fun!
poster:Enigma
thread:967966
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20101029/msgs/967966.html