Posted by gardenergirl on April 16, 2009, at 9:46:50
In reply to I really miss Fayeroe, posted by fayeroe on April 15, 2009, at 22:02:16
I was just thinking about you the other day and wondering how you are doing. I recently found this series of essays by Meghan O'Rourke on grief and found it very validating and comforting. http://www.slate.com/id/2211257/entry/2211256/
In particular, this part really resonated with me:
"Since my mother's death, I have been in grief. I walk down the street; I answer my phone; I brush my hair; I manage, at times, to look like a normal person, but I don't feel normal. I am not surprised to find that it is a lonely life: After all, the person who brought me into the world is gone. But it is more than that. I feel not just that I am but that the world around me is deeply unprepared to deal with grief. Nearly every day I get e-mails from people who write: "I hope you're doing well." It's a kind sentiment, and yet sometimes it angers me. I am not OK. Nor do I find much relief in the well-meant refrain that at least my mother is "no longer suffering." Mainly, I feel one thing: My mother is dead, and I want her back. I really want her backsometimes so intensely that I don't even want to heal. At least, not yet."I remember after our beloved Daily died, I was out in public running errands, and I thought to myself, "How can anyone be smiling and laughing? Don't they know she's gone???" It is very isolating. It's so very hard. I've noticed that it's only in the last two weeks or so that I can talk about her and for a moment think about her final minutes without crying. Just a month ago that seemed impossible. Yet it still hurts so much. I miss her very much.
I know you miss fayeroe. I'm sure she misses you, too and looks forward to when you are reunited at the right time.
I'm glad you planted flowers for her. My hubby and I still haven't figured out what kind of memorial marker or thingy we want for Daily. I think we're avoiding thinking about it, but we do intend to put something in the yard.
Extending virtual hugs, tissues, and permission to cry, wail, sob, sniffle, whatever you need.
With love,
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:890979
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090331/msgs/891030.html