Posted by WaterSapphire on August 25, 2008, at 6:46:26
I always put possible trigger on my posts even though I not sure what is a trigger or not, and my OCD self will now allow me not to.
On with the game...
OK, I am a mess. I am a physical and mental mess.
I am trying desperately to get help for what is going on, in the same turn lets just say I have had a lack of good medical care here in Michigan where we live. My new pcp seems ok. I tried to see a new nephrologist on Friday, and she wouldn't even look at my CT scans that the radiologist probably misread according to a former nephrologist (I went to a new one because of where we live and have no car right now). Well this lady took the cake. She wants the report, even though I explained to her that it said nothing was wrong and she wouldn't even look at it! She said, radiologists are trained to look at these things. Ah, but she does not realize the other problems I had at the hospital including, not being given anyone to talk to when I went there and also told them I was really depressed (during dehydration), almost sending me out of the ER without seeing a physician after earlier I had only seen a PA who was leaving for the night, and I needed a followup, and being sent home saying I did not have an infection when the labs showed otherwise. Anyways, no one would ever believe the cruddy medical care I received in this one county. I have no psychiatrist anymore, and cannot afford to get to one. I have no medication after I gave up on taking it all for it was not really helping. (All but the klonopin and I went off that too). I feel like my kidneys are filtering out anything important I need in my body. I get dehydrated from nothing, my moods are swinging more than a monkey from a tree, this weakness will not go away, my bp goes up and down, some days I cannot sleep because of pain or my heart is beating funny, other days I am so tired I can barely crawl out of bed. ALL of this for what? I want to be able to get a therapist. I liked the one I had but we now live over an hour away, and since our car needs a tranny, until I can find arrangements with this local bus service I am grounded. Not to mention, I get very anxious around people sometimes in a closed space.
So now what? I am truly at a loss. I have been so depressed this past few days after being weak and in pain that I don't know how much more I can take. My mind is going places it shouldn't. I would talk about it here, but I am not sure what is ok or not. I just don't know anymore sometimes.
Much Peace and Love
Chelle
poster:WaterSapphire
thread:848135
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080816/msgs/848135.html