Posted by Dinah on May 27, 2008, at 13:43:00
In reply to Re: I had a fight with my sister again » Dinah, posted by Phillipa on May 27, 2008, at 12:07:27
I think there is no more natural impulse in the world. Especially when feeling not only angry, but trapped and powerless.
The only problem is that it just doesn't work. Or worse even, it works in the immediate short term, in that people pay attention to the fact that you're upset. But in any but a very immediate sense, it not only doesn't work, but it tends to lead to more of the interpersonal problems that had you feeling upset, angry, and trapped.
It's really hard to find other ways of expressing the pain inside. Ways that let people really understand, and that also don't cause any additional problems for us. It's even harder to start choosing to use them.
For me, my therapist's constant presence helped so much with this. He said that I didn't need to *show* him how bad I felt. That he would believe me if I *told* him.
That may be easier since I have him to listen to me and to believe me and to really understand and try to help me, without my needing to act on the pain. Admittedly, not everyone will do that.
But there will be people here on babble that will hear and understand you, and Deneb, when you say you feel really really bad. When you say you feel angry and trapped or whatever it is you might feel. And there may be others in your life that will hear that.
poster:Dinah
thread:831236
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080428/msgs/831432.html