Posted by Tabitha on April 19, 2008, at 23:05:49
Probably hardly anyone remembers me here. My boyfriend just broke off with me recently. I'm in terrible emotional pain. Called therapist, she called yesterday but I wan't in, I was over at his place, trying to talk him into staying (didn't work). Have been crying on and off all day. Insomnia for almost 2 weeks now, I'm bipolar II so the sleep disruption just wrecks my mood.
Thoughts of suicide much of today. I'm not in any immediate danger, but even having the thoughts scares me. It seems logical, that the pain of my existence outweighs the amount of happiness. I've done it all meds, therapy, support groups, self-help, still too miserable to justify a life.
I don't know what to do right now. Nobody to call but friends I haven't heard from for months, can't imagine calling with "hi, I'm having an emotional crisis", plus the best candidates are in the wrong time zone. Thinking of calling suicide hotline, but last time I tried, it didn't help at all.
It just feels unendurable, and endless. I know it isn't endless (right?) but it seems so unendurable, it doesn't matter whether it will end or not.
Can't imagine ever dating again. This has happened twice in a year. Yet I know the pain of being alone is also unendurable, just slower.
poster:Tabitha
thread:824359
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080329/msgs/824359.html