Posted by Fivefires on February 26, 2007, at 14:01:07
I'm frozen stiff. This isn't me. This isn't the me I was b4 2005. Once again, my breakdown has stolen something of me. Things I used to manage well, are scattered about. An important appt. in 3hrs. In my head I'm hearing type out explaination of breakdown, type out list of meds (psych and medical), take ccs of MMRs, take ccs of lab, clean up nice and look (I used to do this so easily.) capable. Don't throw up red flags. Don't act like a seeker. Tell him this or that or what??? Here I am spiraling into some kind of crisis state when what lies b4 me could be a Godsend, but believe me, if anyone can mess up a Godsend, I can, inadvertently. I can visualize myself now coming home thinking to myself 'why did I say that?' ... 'what was I thinking?' ... 'I truly don't even feel that way, but I told him I did' ... 'why was I so evasive?'. It hasn't begun and already hope is lost.
Fill me up w/ GRACE; I say to a higher power and to you all.
Right now, I lie curled up in a ball inside my Dad's throw. I'm soooooo cold! The sun is shining and it's above 70degrees out there. Still afraid to take my clothing off. I'm scared stiff!
What can I do?
5f
poster:Fivefires
thread:736463
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20070223/msgs/736463.html