Posted by corafree on December 1, 2006, at 13:42:45
In reply to Re: Sometimes It's Just Life » corafree, posted by Phillipa on December 1, 2006, at 10:50:07
I don't know what to do now. I don't have anyone to call me and tell me they love me, except children that sorta' have to. When he was yelling about how I always make him feel bad about himself, I really really started thinking about that probability. If I am doing that, it is not the kind of person I want to be. If I'm doing that, why can't I see it? If I'm doing this, is this why I've been married 3x and had two 5-10 yr relationships? I was very much in love with my first husband. I got PMSD .. cryin' and not know why .. he said no wife of his was going to see a psychiatrist ..... I wasn't 'his perfect woman' anymore and never would be again, and emotion alteration every month, anxiety and then 'labeled' depression I maybe changed to a bad person and I can't see it. I have no friends. When ____ said I was 'odd', I don't think he meant it, but I'm not the loving person I was b4 'my mind changed'. This man does do things that are wrong and if he was w/ me he might hurt me, like my last husband. He lost his temper and screamed horrible things at me. I don't lose my temper like he, or like my 3rd ex, .. they're scary. But the thing is, what is it w/ me? Is it a 'borderline' PD? Am I forever 'tilted'? I want people to feel good when they meet me or see me or talk to me. I don't mean to be mean. This is what I'm looking at. He was awful and mean, but there may be something here 'for me' that would be better than having him. I really kinda' 'got it' when he was yellin'. I think when my 'support person' moved, I think that was the trigger for this 'stint of depression I'm still in'. I want to be a 'flower child' again. I don't like the w*r .. it 'tilts' people too. I wanna figure this out.
The meds are okay except 4 Eff-XR. I've been on it too many times ... it would take way too much of that stuff to even touch me. I felt better before I started it didn't I Phillipa?
Somethin' bad happens and I go running to the P and say 'oh no .. I'm not perfect again .. better have another AD'. I will not make that mistake again.
Afa the other meds ... good ... helpful.
I think it might be a while before I can find 'some of me' anyway and if you'll put up w/ me until I do, I'll be posting happiness.
Hey .. I do have Starbucks X-mas coffee about 10inches from my fingers, and chocolates (dark doves and those midnight milky ways)
Tks you guys .. will curl up in Dad's throw and rest a bit .. maybe call P.
cf
poster:corafree
thread:709246
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20061123/msgs/709402.html