Posted by zenhussy on November 25, 2006, at 8:18:29
In reply to I'm at the end, posted by JerryPharmStudent on November 25, 2006, at 0:59:41
Jerry,
Depression is a tinted filter which can alter almost all perceptions and senses. This post from you shows the extremes to which this filter can reach.
When posting here several years back during the midst of major depressive episodes we were certain that we had no future, no hope, no chance, no friends, no real life. We posted that refrain over and over. Fortunately we met up with a wide variety of folks who gently stuck with us through these rough times and reminded us that we would NOT always be feeling as we did in that moment. Of course we did not belive these friends. Of course we did everything we could to disprove them.
After several years, different psychopharmacologists, psychiatrists, therapists and other professionals we're able to SEE the filters that were so pervasive when depression RULED OUR LIFE.
Why did we listen to strangers over the Internet when we were at our lowest? Because the extent of our depression and other diseases/disorders made IRL support difficult to handle or believe. Somehow the online support from those our age, younger, and those many years older helped.
It helped us to know others HAVE BEEN IN OUR SHOES AND KNOW THE FIT FAR TOO WELL!!! They were able to tell us the toes were too tight and the heel rubbed and the laces were broken. How could they have known those things if they hadn't lived through the same miseries themselves?
A pre-coffee way of saying that somehow, someway the folks here and elsewhere over the years helped us remain alive through the darkest of the depression, the worst of the suicidal ideation, and the nights of howling in pain due to there not being any other way to express total despair.
Lean on the strength of others who have walked this path before you and those who continue to walk alongside of you. Sometimes the tinted filters make it hard to see that there are MANY around us who care and are able to help in ways we couldn't have imagined. Depression makes imagination rather impossible....that is the ability to belive that the future CAN BE DIFFERENT AND BETTER THAN THIS MOMENT of icky depression.
Keep reaching out Jerry. Keep reading those who holler to ya wondering where you are. Keep going one day at a time, one moment at a time.
When asked how we survived our darkest times?
We relied upon the kindess of strangers and the time tested and hard earned life lessons of those who have lived with the disease longer than we had. Those younger and with less years under their belts often had sage advice when we took our fingers out of our ears, swallowed our pride and actually listened.Not sure what it will take to keep you going through this Jerry but this rambly post is our way of putting forth our energies to you and letting you know you matter to us, you count, and you're worth what it takes to get better, get well, get some measure of your life, as you determine it, back.
kindly,
--zh>>> I love this baord and all the people I've met through it. However, after reading about so many people- not unlike myself - who are still suffering from depression for 10-20 years - I just have overwhelming loss of hope. I will be 35 in a couple months whihc will mark 16 years with this depression. I'm rotting away and I have no strength left.
I love you all
Jerry <<<
poster:zenhussy
thread:706969
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20061123/msgs/707004.html