Posted by Michael83 on September 19, 2006, at 21:58:06
There is this girl I've been in love with for 8 years, I haven't been able to tell her because I get far too nervous about it. In fact, I'm so scared around her and I love her so much I could never tell her how I feel because if she rejected me I don't know how I'd live with it. Do you know what it's like to be in love with someone for 8 years and they probably don't even have a clue you feel this way?
Well that's not my problem.
My problem is this.
On her myspace profile, she says she Buddhist (she's white, from Christian background), and as many of you know, I fear constantly that I'm going to go to hell for not believing in Christianity (see link at bottom for details). I have extreme panic attacks about it.
Now, not only do I have to worry about myself, I need to worry about her going to hell.
I do not accept Christianity. I am an educated person. I've read dozens of books on religion and philosophy, I've put more thought and energy about religion and God during my short 22 year old life, than more so called "religious people" ever do in their 70 or 80 years of life. Christianity becomes more and more absurd as the day goes by, but was brainwashed to believe it's true and I still worry (out of intellectual humility) that's I'm wrong.
The fact is that I'll NEVER again believe in Christianity (as I was raised). Not because I'm mad, or bitter, or arrogant. Solely because I choose to use the logic god gave me to survive. Most of the greatest intellectuals of the world did not believe either. Believe by "faith" you say? Mark Twain said "Faith is believing in something you know isn't so." Isn't that the truth.
I always thought this girl I loved was the church type, so I wasn't worried about her going to hell. Now I do have to worry.
Sorry I'm just venting: Why should she be punished because she doesn't subscribe to Christianity's ridiculous ideals? How can a god with infinite love punish someone for all eternity for not believing in something that doesn't make sense to them? Is that really love? Eternal punishment doesn't sound very loving.
God, you come down and explain this to me. YOU'RE the one who started all this. I didn't ask for this life. Didn't ask to believe what I believe. My mind operates this way because you created it like this. And save the "God works in mysterious ways" nonsense. That's an intellectual forfeit.
19th century writer Samuel Butler once said, "Jesus died on the cross just once, and only for a few hours, but no one ever mentions the millions he's been crucifying in a quiet way ever since."
I'm living proof of that.
Just more anxiety for my life I guess.
For those who are unfamiliar with my problem, I posted this a while back when I was at my worst (in recent times at least). Since then it's gotten better, but today was a real set back. I'm panicking again.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060517/msgs/645388.html(excuse the grammar and spelling errors in this message, I'm panicking a bit right now, quite nervous)
Sorry if this post offends, I truly am sorry. I do not mean to try to take any's belief away from them. If you're happy believing what you believe, good for you, that's all that matters. But me, I found out the truth, but I must say, it's not always easy to live out the truth.
Can anyone knock some sense into me before I lose my mind?
poster:Michael83
thread:687540
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060911/msgs/687540.html