Posted by Kath on July 31, 2006, at 8:52:28
In reply to Re: Very Good News » Kath, posted by tina on July 30, 2006, at 20:40:11
Hey Tina!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for this post. Glad to see ya here.
As usual - words of wisdom & yes, I guess I know I'm a good Mom. THAT sounds so definite right? LOL
I like that part about they're HIS mistakes etc.
I'm feeling a bit 'wobbly today' because yesterday I sent him an email. It was a good email really & part of me feels GOOD about it.
It was very upbeat, saying I hope all is well & that he's connected with his bio-Dad & wife, etc. & that he & GF are well on their way to getting themselves established out there. It was quite positive - as if I expected (no doubts) that things would develop in a positive way for them.
I then said that as soon as they've got jobs & a good place to live, I want him to begin paying back money that he owes....that even a small amount every month will be better than waiting longer for a larger amount.
Part of me feels really good. This feels like a 'normal' healthy adult-to-adult interaction.
THEN there's the weird part:
'Oh dear - if he hasn't contacted bio-Dad & again doesn't have a place to stay this'll feel horrible to him! Might just be the extra bit of stress that pushes him over the edge'
And stupid thoughts like that.The GOOD thing is that I'm doing pretty well at responding to them with a hearty "bull***t - oh please - whatEVER" and then letting go of it 'til the next time those type of thoughts rear their ugly heads!
I'm doing pretty well.
I feel good about speaking up about it. I was rather teed off that when he picked up & left - & when we finally spoke, he made NO mention of the money he owes me. I also think that it puts things into perspective a little as to - I hope it would make him less likely to phone me & complain when things aren't going well. That feels somewhat manipulative, but the main reason I did it was to say 'HEY - you owe me money & I haven't forgotten & I want you to pay me as soon as you're set up out there.' I think it's almost as if I'm pointing out that what would be the expected thing to do would be get a decent job; get a decent place to live, even if it's just a room in a house for now; set payment of debts to your parents in motion. All those things are reasonable things to do!
Again Tina good to 'see ya'
luv, Kath
poster:Kath
thread:669839
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060728/msgs/672246.html