Posted by jammerlich on July 28, 2006, at 15:34:40
I was with my teacher-friend for several hours today. We had a wonderful time, but now that she's gone all I can do is cry. I don't understand why I feel so bad....why I can't look back on the good experience and hang onto it. It's almost like it never happened. I'm so clingy and self-involved. I just want more, more, more!!
And I don't understand why I have such a hard time opening up with her when I want nothing more than to spill my heart out. I had plenty of opportunities today, but I never took them. Maybe I'm just too picky. I guess I sort of want things to be just right. I don't want to be riding in her car or having a heart-to-heart in public, over lunch. I want her on my sofa where it's quiet and I can snuggle up to her like I'm 5. Because really, deep down, I think I AM just 5. The only thing that's really grown up is this body I'm in.
I suppose it doesn't help that she left here with her son. He gets to go and spend the rest of the weekend with her. I am so jealous of him for that. He gets the lazy time that I want so much. Does that make sense? I want to be with her when she's curled up watching TV or when she's having her first cup of coffee in the morning, or when she's tired and feels like a nap. I guess I want that home sort of experience with her - to experience her that way.
I don't know. I feel like I'm rambling and not making much sense. I'll stop now, even though it feels like I hardly got started.
poster:jammerlich
thread:671470
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060728/msgs/671470.html