Posted by llrrrpp on June 17, 2006, at 21:43:05
In reply to Re: countdown to bedtime *trigger* long, posted by llrrrpp on June 17, 2006, at 21:31:33
oh no.
I just pushed husband away. he was trying to cheer me up (over the phone- he's out of town). i'm inconsolable. i hurt his feelings. made him feel unwanted. I'm such a horrible hooriblehoooooorible b*tch wifeypoo. my depression is contagious. i disapoint him. he calls with sunshine in his voice, by the time he hangs up, he sounds as bad as me. i told him i don't want to talk to him any more
(crying) isolating from him. I can't feel the love. this FUC*inG DEPRESSION. takes my heart away, breaks it. damages my body, my health, my job, my family. I'm worse than a person. I'm walking poison. nothing right. 24 minutes. still online. I don't know . I'm going to take my medicine early tonight. I'm soo dark right now. gone. gone. still safe though. not going to do the thing. too sad for that. that would bring relief. i want it badly, but I'm not 100% committed. i can't end it like that with husband. he's too sensitive. it would ruin him. he'd be all alone. (no family in this half of the world- only me). ALLL alone. worse than me. Have to stay safe for him. I can't feel his love. I can't feel my love. Can't feel anything but dispair. but I KNOW I love him. he's my guy. he'll come back to me one of these days and we'll go out on dates, and he'll tuck me in, and make me feel wanted. he's okay. just thinking about him. ((husband)) so sorry i let you down so many times.so sorry that your wife won't/can't love you the way you deserve. so sorry I can't live with you right now. it's my fault. i know it. not 100%, but mostly my fault.bye
poster:llrrrpp
thread:657944
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060611/msgs/658157.html