Posted by Larry Hoover on June 7, 2006, at 12:36:03
I'm sorry you saw me react like that, also without warning.
I do use my mantra that my feelings are not subject to debate, even by me. I do use it. I did use it.
I'm sorry it took me so long before I could speak again. I didn't mean for all that time to pass. I'm sorry if that compounded your own distress.
I am doing my best. And here I am, as soon as I could.
I read many things you've posted in that interval, and it is wonderful to see you come to realize that what you experienced really was messed up. Really truly messed up.
You earned your hurts, the hard way.
But you've not given up. You didn't know what you were seeking, only that you did. Please, do not ever give up the quest.
I wanted to speak directly to you before I gave any thought to the specific phrases or whatever that triggered me. That's another step for me, and I'm not ready to do *that* part, yet.
There is nothing that you said that was wrong. Nothing ill-advised. Nothing negative about it at all. It's all good, in fact.
I wasn't ready for what you said.
I was surprised by it.
That is simply what happened. Not a shred of blame am I directing at you. Reality happened to us both.
I am grateful for your acceptance of my reality.
The hardest thing for me is not what happens to me. It is when others judge my reality.
I've called it a disability. But what is that? Is it when my reality becomes another person's inconvenience? I don't know. It drags up all kinds of stigma. I'm still working that part out. I'm still working out how to deal with conditional love.
I'm sorry, Cora.
Lar
poster:Larry Hoover
thread:654038
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060604/msgs/654038.html