Posted by fi on April 27, 2006, at 18:38:55
I know that I am really lucky to have a job at all, and that lots of people with more than minor depression cant. I cant begin to imagine how awful that must be.
I have recurrent unpredictable episodes needing a week or so off sick.
I wasnt made to take the more junior job (I dont think they can do that easily in the UK because of disability legislation), but it was clearly an option and has its advantages. Less overtime, less responsibility etc. But its also rather sad. And I know logically that it doesnt mean that I have failed in some way. But it can feel that way, as well as meaning that my depression has now had a really major impact on my work life.
My boss and HR officer have just treated it as a recruitment process for my post, and some paperwork to transfer me. Less money too, of course, tho still enough (an advantage of being rather a hermit?!) But no recognition or support from manager or HR about the impact of this for me, but hey I have managed and may actually be more manageable (they are hopeless on scarey things like feelings!!)
Tommorrow is the interviews for my replacement, so its all getting very real. I'm starting to realise just how weird it will be when they are the manager and one of the 3 people they are managing is me!Of course, there are good things for me in it, sensible decision etc etc. And that's the line friends at work and outside have been stressing too. But there is part of me that wants to say that its horrible and sad and a huge disruption and difficult. You know, the sort of thing that people feel uncomfortable about (looking at things positively and all that).
I also need to work out what to tell my father (if I have to). He's in his mid-80s and gets very worried about things, so I have been protective and (with a lot of effort) made sure that he doesnt know that I have been having episodes of depression in the last 3 years. I hope to keep this demotion secret, but need to think of an unworrying convincing reason if he finds out eg if I slip up and have the job title in an email..Anyway, apart from that..
Of course, anything like this is a mixture of good and bad aspects. I just get tired of having to be relentlessly positive! And the other people I speak to havent been thru it.That feels better-helps just to type things out sometimes!
Fi
poster:fi
thread:637588
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060422/msgs/637588.html