Posted by Tamar on March 29, 2006, at 10:36:50
In reply to Re Hi I'm really upset poss trigger, posted by milly on March 29, 2006, at 7:06:17
> I'm sorry I even bothered to tell you about it, I feel so upset that I inadvertantly caused this anger and hurt
You didn't cause any anger and hurt. It's just a very emotive subject. And I'm glad you told us about it. I think what you did was very brave and very necessary.
> I guess the rape does cloud my view of it, knowing that he 'objectified' women and then found it acceptable to force his way into my home and into me probably makes me hope that the same situation won't happen to others but it does.
Well, maybe it *informs* your view of it, rather than *clouding* your view. And of course your view is perfectly valid.
> As for needing porn to j*rk off to, do you need it to go for a cr*p as well? or maybe just a better imagination!
I'm all for use of imagination!
> Anyway if anyone is interested the UK papers carried the story this weekend about how newsagents will be required to stock this kind of material above childrens eye level which if you read my original post was what had got me annoyed in the first place, so I'm not the only one that thinks it is unnessesary to expose children to this.
I totally agree with you. I believe children should not be exposed to porn. End of story. If an adult deliberately shows a child a porn mag, it constitutes child sexual abuse. So I certainly don't think it's OK for newsagents to stock porn at children's eye level.
> I thought I was behaving as any mother might to protect her children but was I supposed to say 'look at that, maybe one day you could grow up and do that so that men can j*rk off to your picture'
If you're anything like me, the idea of your kids being part of the sex industry is very triggering because of your personal experience. I also wonder (if you're anything like me) whether as well as wanting to protect your children you want to protect yourself.
I find public porn very threatening. To me if a man reads porn in public it's in the same category as flashing. I think, "If he'll read porn in public, what wouldn't he do?" And by extension, seeing porn in shops elicits the same feelings of fear. I wonder which unknown men might be planning to buy those magazines, and whether I'm safe from them. Because after an assault you realise you just NEVER know who the good guys are and who the bad guys are. The men who raped me were nice, decent people who (apart from raping me) were charming and polite. How was I supposed to know? How do I know whether the next man I talk to is a rapist? I don’t.
And I don’t want to demonise all men, but I think men don’t always understand that however nice they are, and however much they know *they* would never rape a woman, once we’ve been violated we no longer trust our judgement to be able to distinguish between rapists and non-rapists. And naturally enough, men feel very hurt by the idea that we can’t be 100% certain that they’re not rapists.
Thanks for raising the subject, Milly. I know the subsequent discussion has been painful for you. I don’t hold the view that porn is inherently bad, but I certainly haven’t seen much that I like. And I’m going to rant about that next. Feel free to ignore it if the subject’s getting tough for you. But I hope you will congratulate yourself for your courage and strength of character in expressing your views in public, both at your local newsagent and here at Babble.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:624556
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060324/msgs/626023.html