Posted by special_k on March 25, 2006, at 18:53:54
In reply to Re: I kind of hate to say this, posted by special_k on March 25, 2006, at 18:31:15
and i'm sorry to go on and on and on about this... if it is any consolation it really is helpful to me. it was like this back home too. except the difference was that the people I was living with were undergrads and much much younger than me for the most part. and they would ask me to go out with them. and i wouldn't. and so after a while they would stop asking and then that was it i didn't have this problem. and there were only a couple people in the dept (three though sometimes 5 or 6) that i would hang out with or go out with. but when it was the three of us (plus a few other mutual friends) it was about movies or x-box games or board games or whatever. and we never used to drink. we'd just play or whatever till 5 in th emorning on energy drinks and junk food. so going out... and drinking... and so very many people is different for me. and people here seem much more independent. in terms of finding their own way around. a lot of people bike everywyere (incl while drunk) and i have been avoiding the whole biking thing. and i guess i'm in this mindset of 'i really can't afford to taxi' because i never could before and i have a lot of f*cked up ideas about money in some respects... it is crazy. i kind of think 'that is not an option' and write it off before thinking about it properly. and get really anxious about things (like finding a way home) when really... people wouldn't have left me to it without knowing that it really isn't that far or that hard... and if i had gone to the party then there would have been lots of people to split a fare with anyrate. sigh.
and there are a lot of people in the dept. and they are a very social dept. and they socialise a lot in virtue of being a dept. and i guess to people outside the dept... they are a little daunted and think there is this clicky group. but it really isn't so bad it is just proximity. and you really are included in virtue of being in it and there are honorary members (who are really in other depts too) though... i think tha tmight be harder... and most people socialise fairly much just with dept people. and some people... well if 4 or 5 nights a week isn't enough for you... some people go out even more. and there is this whole 'work hard party hard' ethic. and i feel old (though everyone is same age as me give or take maybe 3 or 4 years and some are a fair bit older) but i feel old or something 'cause my body can't take it. and even mor eto the point i guess it is a shock to the system. but if i can ge ta benzo or something to deal with the damned anxiety then i would be happy drinking non alchoholic stuff. really i would. and i know better than to mix the two. i really really do. i'd rather not drink. back home i never used to i'd just smoke. but nothing to smoke here... and i don't want to get into that though i am starting to crave. but it is about dealing with the anxiety really. sigh. i'm sorry to go on...
poster:special_k
thread:623978
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060324/msgs/624593.html