Posted by special_k on March 22, 2006, at 0:01:49
In reply to Sad, sad, sad, posted by jammerlich on March 21, 2006, at 23:20:29
Hey. ((((Jammerlich)))) I'm sorry you aren't feeling so good :-( Sometimes talking about things can help a bit...
It hurts me to see little kids too... Toddlers especially break my heart. Because I think they don't know what hurt is yet... And one day they will. And kids around 5 or 7 'cause thats about how old I was... I understand that kind of pain. To see little kids. And feel sad that my childhood wasn't better. And to worry for them. They are kind of triggering, eh?
That is really nice how you have developed a friendship with your old teacher :-) And that you could talk to her about the SA. I think it is important to talk to people about stuff like that.
The sad truth is that... People can vary with how much of that kind of stuff they can handle. It isn't about you that you did anything wrong or anything like that... But everyone has their own issues. Some people can't hear about it... Because it is too triggering for them (if they have been there) or just because... they don't know how to handle it. they just can't quite cope with it. they don't know what to do...
With the SI... It sounds like that might be what is going on for her then. Maybe... She knew someone who used to do that who went on to suicide. And so now... She is afraid of getting too close to someone who is at risk because she can't bear to go through that again. Does that make sense? That she might not be able to deal with it precisely BECAUSE she cares about you so much?
It can be hard...
Sometimes... There are different things that you are best to talk to different people about. It is very rare (in fact probably impossible to sustain long term) to come across a person who you can share *everything* with. Because... Everyone has their own stuff going on... And sometimes there can be some kind of conflict... And it can be hard. Sounds to me like... You might want to talk about SI with other people who are able to deal with that. Who aren't afraid of that. And with her... Just enjoy the connection you do have. And talk about the things that are helpful. Sounds like she has been a terrific help to you around the SA stuff.
> So, I didn't see her or talk to her last week and this week isn't looking great either.
Maybe when you do meet up again you could try and talk about this just enough to sort it out a bit? It might be that... She isn't an appropriate person to call in an emergency (in the SI sense). It may be that... She isn't an appropriate person to call if you are in the ER. It might be that... You can enjoy the time you do have together. That you can get some healing and feel less shame around the SA. Every relationship (that is going to last) has to have boundaries... But they can be hard. It sounds to me from what you have said that she may have been really very close to someone who she had to pull back from because she saw them just getting worse... And that was too much for her... That isn't a comment on the other person any more than that is a comment on her limitation.
It can be hard...
> I know part of the uncertainty about this week is because something is going on with her son and she may need to leave town to check on him. Of course, that's how things should be; but I still want to throw a little girl tantrum over it.
Sure. And that is okay. I often get upset about things I rationally know I *shouldn't* feel upset about. I think that just means that you can understand their needs from their perspective... But that doesn't do anything to change your needs from yours. (((((j))))) people do piss off at the most inconvenient of times sometimes :-(
> And I guess it hurts because I don't really feel like there's anyone in my life who would drop everything and come to me if I needed them.
yeah. hurts me too... nobody did that fo rme as a kid :-( and i don't know if i'll ever stop hurting over that :-(
poster:special_k
thread:623201
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060318/msgs/623227.html