Posted by Lucia Francisca on January 25, 2006, at 11:39:33 [reposted on January 26, 2006, at 0:54:58 | original URL]
Hi. I really need some help.
i am a ph.d. student in english who is writing her dissertation. i also teach 1 university literature class MWF from 9-10am. my problem is, that since the semester started about 3 weeks ago, i've been feeling depressed as well as anxious. there are a lot of factors i feel that might be contributing to this.
the medical slant is that i've been taking seroquel for about 3 months now. at first it worked really well. my pdoc said in nov. when he started me on it that i was having a hypomanic episode cuz i couldn't sleep for like 3 nights and just had racing, negative thoughts all day. the seroquel really helped me sleep, although it made me somewhat drowsy in the morning. before seroquel, i took celexa for a few years and then switched to lexapro when i started getting depressed, anxious, and had some insomnia on the celexa. oh, yeah my dx has shifted between major depression and bipolar II since i started seeing a pdoc and therapist about 6 years ago.
this new semester i feel just like i have so much empty time in the day that i don't know how to feel. i teach those 3 days a week, which gets me going, but the rest of MWF is still a whole day and i can't seem to figure out what to do with myself. ditto for T and TH, although sunday, tuesday, and thursday night i'm usually frantic cuz i don't prepare my lesson plan until the last minute and then am scrambling to get it together. for the last week, i've been having a lot of anxiety about teaching, fearing students think what i'm saying is uninteresting and obvious; i've been having problems, finding it challenging teaching this new book. i guess i'm still getting used to the new semester and the class and new students. but in short, i seem to stress out about every little thing about the class.
my other issues are that i do have a lot of extra time, but i can't seem to get myself going on writing my dissertation. it's so hard to set goals and make myself stick to them. so i have an empty day and i feel like i should be writing but i'm not so i feel bad. sigh.... i'm also supposed to be applying for research fellowships and full-time teaching jobs for next year. but i can't bring myself to do that either cuz i'm not certain i can hack this academic work right now so i'm afraid to apply for anything next year.
any advice? i'm thinking of doing some volunteer work just to fill the time. i try to exercise almost every day. i moved to this new city about a year and a half ago and don't have a lot of friends and no family around.
i have an appt. with my therapist tomorrow. i'm looking forward to it. i will see my pdoc next week.
can someone help me try to figure out what's wrong or proactive ways to deal with this? i just feel so lonely and anxious and lack of hope a lot of the time, lack of things to look forward to in the future.
thank you.
poster:Lucia Francisca
thread:602930
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060124/msgs/602930.html