Posted by Lucia Francisca on January 11, 2006, at 21:11:41
In reply to Re: Social isolation » Racer, posted by crazy teresa on January 11, 2006, at 16:18:18
"Finding little ways to bring joy into your own life, as well as into others' is much easier for me than to even call a friend and tell them I'm feeling crappy and isolated."
Why is that? Gosh, I thought it was just me who finds it hard to call up friends and reach out. I guess I just really fear rejection--it's even harder to call up a friend and feel she doesn't have enough time or energy to listen. My family is actually pretty good on this one--my mom and sisters are good people for me to reach out to, except of course, family always drives me a little crazy too.... :) Lucia
> I've found the best way for me to get beyond isolation is to do things for others.
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> Volunteer to deliver meals on wheels, sign up for the benevolence committee (the group who makes the food for funerals, etc.) at church, sign up to be a counselor at the local Crisis Pregnancy Center or whatever cause it is that you feel passionately about. Most of us want to help others during hard times, anyway. The feeling we get when we do help others is a great counter to the feelings of isolation.
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> If you find a cart of clearanced fresh flowers at the store, buy one or two boquets, pull out the bad looking flowers-- you can still come up with 3 or 4 smaller boquets to give away; either give them to someone who would greatly benefit from knowing you're thinking of them, or what's even more fun, is to give them to others for no good reason at all.
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> I did this one day when Aldi had ordered way too many flowers and they had marked their fresh boquets down to .50 each. I bought 24 bouqets; spent $12. I had more fun driving around town giving flowers away!
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> People were shocked that I was there at their door for no other reason than to give them flowers and to let them know I was thinking of them-- no ulterior motives involved (other than my not having a house full of rotting flowers.)
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> The most fun is to give them to complete stranges! LOL! It's very puzzling to them. They're not sure if you're being unusally nice, or you're just not quite 'right'...
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> For those of us who enjoy trying to save the world, it's also great fodder for cheesy fantasies like: I gave this strager some flowers, he (who had never done so and was an *sshole) took them home to his wife, she was so touched she gave him great sex and their dying marriage was saved. (Which of course then makes it all about me, but no one got hurt in the actual distribution of flowers or making of this fantasy!)
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> And yes, then I had to listen to my cheap (and I mean that in the most loving of ways!) ;~} husband saying you spent $12 and then wasted your entire day and a tank of gas doing what???
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> But if you think about it, I felt better for having spent a little money inpulsively (during this isloated event-- this would not be a good thing if you were to so this everyday and it adversely effect your finances... ) and my time in this way than I would have, had I gone to the mall and overspent on stuff I never needed in the 1st place. And it would have been $50 to see the T, and I've never left an appointment with her feeling all that great. There was no guilt involved when I was done... And I felt REALLY GOOD ABOUT MYSELF! Who'd'a thunk?
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> Once I explained where I was coming from, my husband was excited about what I'd done and we had a great evening chatting about those whom I'd seen that day. His knowing they had asked about him, cared about him, fed his ego a big fat smam-ich! It was just a big love-fest all the way around. And that mood continued in our home for quite some time.
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> This was also a fantastic teaching tool to use with my children. Not a 'do what I tell you' kind of lesson, but one which could only be learned by having participated in the rewards resulting when selflessness is practiced and our selfishness is forgotten, if only for a short time.
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> Bake some cookies and deliver a treat to 3 of your neighbors; do this again tomorrow and treat 3 more neighbors. The neighbors will be thrilled (be sure they don't find a pubic hair in your baked good! ROFLOL!); you'll be getting out (the visits can be short and sweet-- nothing too overwhelming) and you will feel really good (compared to the feeling of isolation.)
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> Plus, If you like to bake, you're getting your fix; but not the extra poundage you end up with from getting the fix and eating it all yourself.
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> If you don't like to bake, or don't have time, those frozen loaves of bread dough work just as well. Unthaw overnight in frige, bake for 20 min. the next day, you're a hero.
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> Crazy t's presentation tip: You can make someone feel extra special by using a beautiful china plate to hold these special homemade (or not homemade) treats. I shop at garage sales for pretty plates during the summer, spending about .10 to .25 a plate. For some reason, the recipients love that they get to keep the plates!
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> Motivation to get out and actually do these things: In winter, I get tired of bing stuck at home and I've accumulated these plates which are MUCH to pretty to sit in the basement doing nothing but gathering dust. And I woulnd't want to have to add haording pack rat to my list of imperfections... ;~}
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> Depression is the worst in my life when I am being the most selfish and self-centered. Finding little ways to bring joy into your own life, as well as into others' is much easier for me than to even call a friend and tell them I'm feeling crappy and isolated. The ulterior motive sneals back in there somewhere in my head, and prevents me from calling... she has enough to deal with without my bothering her kind of thing...
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> crazy t (Martha Stewart in my wet dreams... )
poster:Lucia Francisca
thread:597872
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060108/msgs/598139.html