Posted by allisonross on November 12, 2005, at 23:42:58
In reply to Re: SPIRITUAL ABUSEBet U Never Heard a Story LikeThis » allisonross, posted by Dena on November 12, 2005, at 21:21:20
> Hey Alice -
> Hey, Dena!> Thanks for responding back to my looooooooong post!
You are so welcome!
>
> You wrote: "The wound will always be there. I've overcome a childhood of abuse; physical, verbal and being molested, ten 31 years of abusive marriage, followed by spiritual abuse; I am very resilient. Good thing."What I meant by that is that I AM incredibly resilient; my therapist told me that he goes to a mental health facility, where people have experienced only half of what I did, and they are wrecks, but I am like a rubber ball, that bounces back continuously.
>
> I've experienced complete healing of a lot of early childhood abuse (much like you endured). I also then suffered spiritual abuse (9 years of it, culminating in the excommunicating Bishop's Council that I wrote to you about -- all based on lies, which I could never refute).
>
> But it's not our resiliance which sustains us -- part of that is numbing out,I don't feel I EVER numbed out. I have always been able to look at reality right in the face, and process it.
part of that is learning to live with the abuse, part of that is maintaining a "victim" mentality...
I told my therapist a long time ago that I have never called or even THOUGHT of myself as a victim.
What sustains us is how we let God re-interpret the abuse -- seeing it through His eyes of truth is what makes the difference.
>
> Often, God, in His mercy, allows us to go through similar types of pain... "triggering" the old, unhealed (early childhood) pain -- so that it can be healed -- not to "re-torture" us... it's the buried, unhealed pain that really damages us, driving us from within, consuming us with the lies we believe about ourselvesNot sure what you mean by "lies?" I don't think I ever believed any lies about myself.
Amazingly, I have excellent self-esteem, or as my therapist puts it, I am "intrapsychicly aware"--not sure I spelled intrapsycicly right, --meaning I am in touch with my feelings.
(& God) due to the pain...
This wasn't true for me. I dealt with my childhood stuff 20 years ago; even called my mother and told her I forgave her for doing nothing when I was molested. In other words, I did the work necessary. Hold no bitterness, or unresolved stuff from childhood.
>
> and YES, we can all be completely set free - healed - of that old pain (along with the current pain that stirred it up). It happened to me (after 21 years of trying everything else for healing/recovery)... it's happened for thousands of others. You can check it out: www.theophostic.com
>
> It can lead to unimaginable freedom.
>
>
> You wrote: "What I told everybody was that I never for a moment lost my faith in God, because I knew it was PEOPLE doing this to me, and not God."
>
> This book was designed to bring people to the exact opposite conclusion -- that God, an all-powerful, all-loving, sovereign God either causes or allows all that happens to us -- for our GOOD, provided we yield to Him, and seek His perspective. If we focus on the people who caused the pain, we miss the point -- and we end up focused on them (in a sense, "haunted" by their actions) for the rest of our lives. Only in seeing this (& all things) as being from the hands of God, can we release the good that He intends to come from all things.
>
> You say you're not bitter, and since I don't know you, haven't met you, I have to take you at your word. However, the impression I get, from your posts, from your email, and from your website, is a woman who's consummed with focusing upon what was done to her... rehearsing the offense, over and over, defined by it, as though it was now her identity.Not true at all. I posted my story, because it was on faith, and thought that would be the proper place to put it. It doesn't define me nor is my identity. I rarely talk about it; it's something that happened, and I processed it, along with my therapist...an angel sent directly to me from God, I am convinced.
>
> I know what that's like -- I've done the same thing (I didn't create a website, but I've sent out my story numerous times to others). I know what it's done to me. I know how it's limited me.The website was both healing and cathartic for me. As I said, my therapist said it sounded as if "God was dictating the words to me."
And I'm now tasting the freedom on the other side, having embraced the trauma as from the hand of God, meant for my good. A dichotomy, to be sure, as are many things about God.
>
>
> You wrote: "My website: www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com.....it has been a phenomenon and helped thousands to heal."
>
> I'm sure that thousands have been drawn there, have resonated with your story, and have related -- as, sadly, tragically, people in the church hurt others in the church -- deeply. I know.
>
> But how can you say they've been healed?Because they told me how healing, and wonderful the poems were, and they resonated with them, and were grateful to find something that EXACTLY described their feelings.
Perhaps it's only fostered their desire to rehash the pain, to focus on the trauma, to rehearse offenses done against them, to feel more justified in lashing out and denouncing those who harmed them. That's not healing. And I dare say, many of them who continue to focus on their own current pain are avoiding the TRUE healing that can come when God uses the current pain to heal the ancient pain... to set people free from that which was long-buried, and yet continues to fester, spreading poison throughout their lives..
No, that is not what I meant. NONE of them denounced, lashed out or said anything bitter. The messages are transcendent in their scope and beauty....if you read them, you will see what I mean. People have resonated with what I experienced and found healing in my poetry. They aren't messages of anger, etc., just beautiful thoughts of gratitude, love and hope.
For instance, one person wrote: You have spoken for all of us abused in a church, and don't know how to articulate it. Bravo!
You are truly an angel of healing.
I believe GOd sent me directly to your website. I am sitting here, tears rolling down my face, feeling such peace and tranquility. You are an angel sent directly to me from GOd.
Just a few.>
> You can write this off as "just her opinion" if you want to.
>
> But I have received healing for the past abused in my life, along with the resulting addictions of bulimia, drugs/alcohol, shoplifting, compulsive promiscuity ... as well as the dysfunctions of depression and sexual frigidity (yep, I flipped from one extreme to the other, after getting married - go figure!).
>
> I know what it's like to be crippled by abuse, as well as how to walk FREE from it (without the need to focus on what "they" did).I've never felt "crippled" by any of the abuse. My therapist asked me how come I am so "normal" after all of it. I told him, it is my faith, wicked wit and sense of humor. Without them, I might be drooling in a corner somewhere. LOL!
In the book, The Transcendent Child (I use quotes from it, in my book,) because it is the premise for my whole life, the author says: "How is it that some children are crippled by the abuse (turn to drugs, alcohol, promiscuity,e tc. etc., while others fall 8 times, get up 9, etc.
>
> I know you can experience that too - it's wonderful, really. I never knew it could be like this...Well, as I have said throughout. I feel I am just fine from all of the past. I processed it a long time ago. Right now, I am mourning and grieving a 31 year marriage. That is my ONLY focus right now.
>
> Shalom, DenaSmiles, Alice (I'll check out the site and let you know what I think)
>
>
poster:allisonross
thread:577004
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051109/msgs/578147.html