Posted by allisonross on November 7, 2005, at 15:48:33
In reply to oh mah god things are challenging (to put nicely), posted by alesta on November 7, 2005, at 9:25:43
> Hey, Alesta: I am new here
,,sorry to anyone i haven't replied to yet...i will get back when i have the energy/time i promise. life just keeps throwing punches lately...i have a bf that i keep trying to unsuccessfully break up with that is making me insane..nobody believes me when i say how he is..jeckyl and hyde man.
I (underline the word ...I) believe you. I lived with a verbal abuser for 31 years.
.even his email is has dr jeckl in it!!! oh my god sometimes i think i am going to lose it..i try to block him out and what he says sometimes...it is really hard though. how do i break up with him? it is so hard for me for some reason. maybe cause i live in same building with him. man, i just need someone to believe me.
i believe you (repeating myself, LOL,LOL)
>
> btw, i am going to stop trying to get involved with guys that seem perfect/too good to be true. they are almost always the abuser type. i have such a knack for getting involved with them lately. i made much wiser choices in men in my teens and twenties. funny how that works. god, i just need someone to believe me and support mePlease don't hesitate to write to me: wacalice@aol.com (I counsel abused women, no degree, but a lifetime of experience and research) and tell me this situation is going to work out. i know i need to break up...i need to get out of this shelter first though.
You are in a shelter? How sad for you.
.breaking up is just too much stress on top of everything else. i just want to cry and just get all this out. it is sooo hard for me right now.
I cannot imagine how hard that is. You have too much on your plate. Can you try to be gentle with yourself? Think of yourself as a friend?
>
> thank you for listening. sometimes i feel like i might go crazy after dealing with him...please..just someone believe me.I know ALL about it: It's called "crazy-making behavior" The book that took me 25 years to find and saved my (whutz left of it, LOL) mind: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans..
.I believe this should be required reading for everyone on the planet. Verbal abuse is rampant in our culture, and rarely recognized (because it is so prevalent), nor dealt with.
> and i spend tons of time listening to others problems and helping them, and then when i tell them mine they don't even believe me, or they don't understand or try to understand.
They can't understand; verbal abuse, etc., is so insidious, that if you try and explain it to someone, they look at you weird, like you just grew another head; they are incapable of understanding.
It isn't that they don't want to; it's like trying t explain color to someone who is blind.
me if i was okay yesterday..i asked him why and he said that i just seemed "out of it". i didn't realize i seemed that way...i am not sure what it is an indicator of. depression? a response to stress? anyone have an idea?
> thanks for reading and any help..even if i can't really respond right away....i apologize...
> love,
> amyDon't worry, you can e-mail me anytime: wacalice@aol.com
>
> p.s. there's other stuff bothering me, too..like when i boost certain ppl up and help them out of their depression or whatever and then they run with that and try to put me down in subtle ways...ppl are just plain mean sometimes. this girl thinks i am her friend but i really can't stand her $ss....sorry for that bad attitude right there. ppl can be so stressful...i am trying to block them out,Yup, try to stay away from "unsafe" people; that's like taking a whiff of poison.
and it really kinda helps restore my peacefulness. thanks for at least reading this y'all. that alone is a help. but the boyfriend issue is my biggest problem (although everything can be overwhelming)...it is stressing me to no end..i can't express the effect he has on me mentally..
Believe me, I KNOW (31 years); again repeating myself, LOL!
.i try not to lose my mind around him. god help me.
Do you know that verbal abuse is LITERAL brainwashing?!
So, it is no wonder you fear losing your sanity. Millions (on my soapbox now) of women are living like this. The statistics are 1 in 3 (I believe it is more like 2 out of 3).
Take a deep breath, sweetie; give me a holler when you can. Love and hugs, Ally
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poster:allisonross
thread:576320
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051029/msgs/576451.html