Posted by NikkiT2 on October 29, 2005, at 17:58:04
Tonight wa sthe first time I returned to Edgware Road since the 7th July..
I've been through the tube station, I've even changed tubes there, but tonight was the first time I have walked out of the station, and past where I was that day.. And it all came flooding back..I thought I had dealt with it.. I thought the images and smells had faded.. but they all rushed back tonight.. and we got lost and ended up walking past there 3 times.. I couldn't face it the 4th time and so paid for a taxi home.
It shocked me in a way.. I really thought it was all past me now. But I also realised I still haven't cried over it.
On Tuesday afternoon there is a memorial service in St pauls, which is being relayed to Trafalgar Square on big screens, so I will be going along, and hopefully I will heal a little bit more. But tonight I am being haunted by one of the images.. one tiny part of the images..
I want to cry.. My nose stings, my eyes water.. but there is something in me that seems to prevent me actually crying. The insides of my lips are bleeding where I have bitten and chewed them so hard tonight.
*sighing*
I guess 4 months isn't actiually all that long, but it has felt like a life time, so the feelings have taken me by suprise.
I'm rambling.. but needed to get it out, as the husband just doesn't understand.. I'm tired, so very tired, which isn't helping me.. How do I make it stop? How do I lay those images to rest?
poster:NikkiT2
thread:573129
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051029/msgs/573129.html