Posted by AdaGrace on October 22, 2005, at 7:35:03
In reply to Re: But feel empty, posted by AdaGrace on October 21, 2005, at 18:23:38
The last time someone just simply stopped seeing me and speaking to me I eventually quit running to the phone or computer for messages every hour on the hour. I eventually stopped staying up all night crying. It's just this stupid silly notion that romance is real that I can't seem to get out of my head. I keep watching movies where men and women fall in love and live happily ever after, and they dance and they make love, and they say beautiful things to each other and they mean it, and then there is this wonderful beautiful song playing in the background. Which is really stupid, but I can't seem to quit thinking about. See, I gotta get over that part of this hurt because it it suffocating me. I have to stop believing every word that I am told. I have to stop wanting someone to make me feel alive, because it just brings me to my knees later.
And then I need to stop thinking of the burdens of my life as that, burdens. I can't find good in things like I should. I just keep thinking of the bad in everything.
I have to start believing in a higher power again. Stop believing in fate, destiny, and stupid crap like soul mates.
I'm sure there is a list here somewhere but I don't know where.
I'm gonna be okay, I just have to get through these first few weeks. I've layed around for two days doing nothing, now my back is out of wack and my head is too. Today, I have to do something to get my mind off of the heartaches I seem to have caused myself. I used one man to get over another man, whom I shouldn't have been with in the first place, but felt I needed something from that I wasn't getting from the man I am married to. Now of course I lost that man too, and the only one still here, is the one I said I would be with my whole life, but can't seem to feel love for anymore. I guess I can add romance as another adiciton to my long lists of them. What a horrible person I have become. Selfish, stupid, and childish.
poster:AdaGrace
thread:569785
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051021/msgs/570337.html