Posted by AdaGrace on October 9, 2005, at 8:28:45
In reply to Re: At the End of the Cleaning Cycle » AdaGrace, posted by alexandra_k on October 7, 2005, at 20:31:47
> i seem to remember you saying something about this before...
> how old are they????
> i seem to remember... them being old enough to clean up after themselves...11, 13, & 15
Yes they are, and yes they can
> you don't do them any favours from being their slave you know...
> they will only expect it from others later in life...
> (boys will expect their wives to do it)
> (girls will believe they *should* do it or feel plagued by guilt)
I am perfectly aware that I am not doing them any favors. I know the problem, I know the consequences, and I try to resolve it. However, I guess the point of my post, is how frustrating this battle is.This is not a concious effort on my part to be their slave. I am not running around picking up after them with high heels, pearls, and a smile on my face. I do voice my desire for them to be something other than piglets. I do try to enforce these desires by withholding pleasures such as jaunts to sporting events, electronic devises at their own personal fingertips, and even monetary gain.
The thing is, it's not that easy. It's a full time job just trying to make sure they did what they were supposed to do, and all this MUST happen before Mr. Man arrives and engages them in "Daddy fun" or wisks them away to some other exotic fun spot, or better yet, has them do some work for him. Ha Ha, that one is great, I love it when that happens.
> there are some good feelings of self-sufficiency and independence and ability to look after oneself that comes from looking after oneself...
Ahhh, yes... that is true. And in a perfect world Wally and the Beve have loads of respect for June and lots of time and want to to follow her expectations.
>
> and you are indispensible to them in numerous other ways...
> you really really are
> you don't need to be their slave adagrace
Let me put this to you in a nut shell.I made this bed when I was 21, and after a few months found crumbs in it. But I laid in it anyway.
I realized that if I was ever going to get new sheets (this is a metaphor, hope you are following) I would have to work, because Mr. Man was poor. Dirt farmer poor.
I had three children in 5 years. Went nowhere but work, had no friends, and became the recluse I am still today.
I have always worked full time. Often 50 to 60 hours a week. Weekends were for cleaning, not playing.
My Mother-in-Law always kept my kids while I worked. She has never had a full time job outside of the home. She also has a messy house sometimes.
In the two or three hours after I got home from work and before the kids went to bed, I did my best to teach them to pick up after themselves with no help from my husband. Weekends, when I could corner the kids away from ballgames, sleepovers, etc.. They were to clean their rooms and help me clean the rest of the house.
7 years ago, my mother died. The responsibility of caring for my father fell partially to me. I was gone even more.
While I was gone,
Things got broke.
Things got messed up.
The children spent more time away from home.No amount of yelling and punishing is going to fully bring them out of that lifestyle, especially when their father has a totally different mindset than me.
Hopeless? Not entirely, but I am going to gripe about it every once in a while. And yes, I am still going to try to change things.
poster:AdaGrace
thread:564260
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051007/msgs/564817.html