Posted by Racer on August 26, 2005, at 18:44:05 [reposted on August 29, 2005, at 18:50:56 | original URL]
In reply to I think I should just go buy a gun, posted by jerrympls on August 26, 2005, at 16:08:42
Actually, Jerry, I don't think that you should just do anything, but I didn't want to continue that subject line for you. While all the gods who have ever existed know that I've felt pretty much the way you seem to right now, I have to say that I'm glad I didn't have a gun at those times. (Mostly.)
I'm with Scott, though, about uncertainty. You do have a huge amount on your plate right now, and it's so very easy to pile it all together into a mountain you'll never get over, but if you try to take it one thing at a time, that does help. I know, and I think to myself that that's too simple -- but then I write a list of little steps to try to see things that I *can* do, and that's very calming for me. (I can be a little O/C -- writing lists is calming in general for me, I think...) It's so easy to see all of these things as ONE monstrous mess of a life, but if you can look at them as several different things, they're easier to live through.
The dog part I can't speak to -- I once spent a sleepless night planning my own suicide based on a report I'd be getting the next day from a vet, so I'm hardly "sane" when it comes to my own animals -- but here's something for the audition: *you* audition *them.* All too often, in things like dates, job interviews, etc, I find myself trying so hard to please someone else, I don't even bother to ask if they pleased me. I've taken jobs I knew I'd hate right from the get-go, because I didn't bother to ask myself what I felt about them in the interview. It was as though I *owed* them, for their gracious condescension in agreeing to interview me. I've been nice to men I really wanted to walk away from within half an hour, just because it was so deeply ingrained in me that I had to be asked out again in order to be an adequate person. Now, when I am in a nervous making situation, I prepare as well as I can and then I go in there asking how I feel about them. Great for my self-esteem, and I'm much more likely to be offered a job. (Married now, so second dates are moot.)
Jerry, I hate that you're in such a desolate place. I'm glad that you came here, but I think that you really need to reach out in your physical space -- Scott's right, sometimes you really need to call some of those agencies.
And, as a person who's had to deal with a ton of vet bills, there are things you can try: call your local humane society, explain your situation, and ask if they know of any compassion programs that you might tap into. Many times, they'll have vets on staff who can work out a payment plan.
I don't know, Jerry. I just hope that you'll finds something to hang onto. Best to you.
poster:Racer
thread:548391
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050828/msgs/548401.html