Posted by Tamar on August 7, 2005, at 15:02:16
In reply to Vacation was good for me, posted by Dinah on August 7, 2005, at 13:55:29
Hi Dinah! Glad you had a good vacation. It's great to see you back here!
> I'm seen as the screw-up in my family. My husband often comments about being a single man with two children. (Charming, isn't it?)
Hmm... What message does your son get from that?
> But I felt reasonably competent this vacation. I really used the sense of direction I inherited from my mother. And I realized that my husband makes poor decisions at least as often as I would.
Yay you! Of course you are competent.
> So maybe I'll stop deferring to him so much and not continue to accept my role as family screw-up.
That sounds like a good plan. You may need to re-educate your husband :)
> I don't even know how I managed to get there. I was the good responsible daughter in my family of origin. The one that everyone, including my parents, turned to.
>
> How did a mere thirteen years of marriage destroy my confidence??I don’t know how it is in your family, but I think that a lot of people like to feel they're in control or in charge (it’s often men because of the culture we live in, but it’s not just men). The easiest way to be 'the head of the family' is to prevent the competition getting a look-in. I've seen it done by means of repeated gentle teasing; just enough to undermine the other partner about her decision-making abilities. I think people aren’t usually aware that they’re doing it, but it seems to me that a lot of marriages involve subtle power struggles (mine included!).
Of course, that's just what popped into my mind when I read your post, and might have nothing to do with the dynamics in your family...
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:538705
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050805/msgs/538724.html