Posted by AdaGrace on July 24, 2005, at 8:24:16
In reply to Re: Don't Like Me, Don't want to be me » AdaGrace, posted by partlycloudy on July 23, 2005, at 8:49:50
You know I did go last fall. Three times. That first session was extreemly painful and embarassing because I had to explain why I was there.
I guess I just would like the next therapist to already know the problem before I get there so I don't have to tell all the sick, sordid, embarassing details of my patheic life.
Can I just send some cliff notes ahead of me?
Or, perhaps I could just be ordered to go. Um like Girl Interrupted. I personally might like to be committed because I would like the break from the world. And somebody else can cook the meals, and bring me a tray. Okay, that was probably offensive to others. I appologize. but seriously, I mean , can I just voluntarilly put myself in a psych hospital? or does there have to be a suicide attempt or completely delusional episode that makes my surrounding loved ones call in the white coats?
Of course I would need to take a day off work if I go to a therapist. That way I can make an appointment for the gyno (I want a new one, someone older than 12 who actually has had experience with women who's hormones are completely out of wack). I need to make an appointment for the dentist and the eye doctor. Oh, and I need to go to a dermatologist about my skin (burn scar stuff).See I can have like an all day doctor overhaul. Because, there is no other way to take off that much time at work for all these appointments. AND did I mention that my kids all need their physicals, eyes checked, and teeth cleaned.
And it's July 24th. Only 1 more month to do this in before school starts. BUT you typically can't get in for maintenance visits to any kind of doctor for 6 to 8 weeks.
So once again I have messed that up because I havent made the appointments in time.Did I mention that I live and work an hour from any major town that has doctors, lawyers, or indian chiefs? So it's not like I can just pop by after work.
I'm not trying to be catty PC, I'm really not. And I know what you say is true, and I agree with you. It's just this life I have, this forever running in circles prevents me from even attempting to "fix the flat tire". One time I went 3 years without going to the gyno because I just didn't have time to take off work. As of right now, I haven't been to the dentist in over two years, and I know I need to go, my teeth hurt and I am pretty sure I have a few cavities. I need to get my car fixed, it has serious transmition trouble I think, but I don't have the time to take it in to the shop and I can't be without it for more than a day because I have the only vehicle that runs in this family. There are so many things to do and so little time. I end most of my days looking at the clock at 5 and wondering what the h*ll I got done, and where did the time go. Then the evening is the same way, only it's 11 or 12 and I realize I have been up for 20 hours and once again haven't accomplished everything I could.
And did I mention Mr. Man had another bout with his heart that sent him to the hospital a few weeks ago? Nice little vacation for me sleeping in the chair at his bedside. Not to mention the mental trauma of having to listen to his neverending one liners like "take care of the kids after I'm gone" "It's okay, I've lived a good life" or "be sure to tell the kids I loved them" This of course is followed by my "you're not going to die, shut up before I pull my hair out at the roots"
My head is spinning PC. Vultures are circling me. The only time I get to myself is the way to and from work and the time I spend up at night after everyone goes to bed. I guess this is when I sit and dwell on all the pain and hurt I feel and can't seem to get over.
poster:AdaGrace
thread:531977
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050719/msgs/532618.html