Posted by smokeymadison on July 10, 2005, at 23:11:39
i feel bad posting bad news about myself, but i don't know what is happening to me at the moment. i have been very stable for the last two months, everything had been going very well. then the past couple of days i have started to feel more and more wierd, for lack of a better word. i feel like everything around me is unrecognizeable, unreal. I have lost a lot of confidence i had in myself to perform in my new job, which is scaring the s**t out of me.
it started as general unrestlessness and has increased to disorientation and the fear that i am about to fail at everything. there are a few probable chemical causes which i will be discussing with my pdoc Tuesday:
-Vicodin, for migraines
-Topamax, started a week ago, for migrainesbut this post is not about the meds in so much as it is about what i am feeling at the present moment. i am trying very hard to just go about my business and not let the paranoia get the best of me. All of the sudden the shadows after dark scare me and i wonder what is going to jump out at me from them. there is general confusion and my very short temper. i have blown up at my boyfriend over the phone twice now for no apparent reason and once at my mother for forgetting to buy water.
i can't figure out what all this means and what to do about it besides just trying to get through and act as "normal" as possible.
i sit in my room and stare at the walls and wish to God that there was some sense of normacy in my life right now. i play music that i am most familiar with in hopes that it will trigger some sense of recognition.
sorry for the rant, but my mom can't even start to fathom what i am talking about and i was hoping that somebody might have a clue as to what the h**l is going on here.
SM
poster:smokeymadison
thread:525989
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050708/msgs/525989.html