Posted by Miss Honeychurch on June 11, 2005, at 9:19:50
In reply to Afraid to go to a ob/gyn......, posted by woolav on June 11, 2005, at 8:43:59
woolav,
Believe it or not, I have the SAME story. I wrote a post about it in Health a few months back. I haven't been in 10 years but I have my first appointment MONDAY. Like you, I was terrified (and still am) that they will find ovarian or breast cancer. I was also ashamed that I neglected myself for so long. I was terrified of so many things - embarassment, pain, diagnosis, etc.
I've been working on the issue since January, mainly with lots of rational thinking and statements I say to myself daily, which my T has helped me with immeasurably. So its June now and I feel fairly good about this appointment on MOnday.
I think one thing which has helped me, aside from my rational statements, is that I went to Jamaica in March. I saw the REAL Jamaica, no beaches and tropical drinks. I saw third world Jamaica. I had never been to t third world country before. It truly made me grateful for what I have. It made me realize that I have access to healthcare most people in the world would love to have - that I am very fortunate in my life in many ways, and that by not taking care of myself, I was being stupid by wasting such a precious resource that 90% of the world does not have.
Also, I believe that as I have begun dealing with my depression, I no longer hate myself. I actually love myself and now feel COMPELLED to take care of myself again. Yes, I'm scared, but I also BELIEVE now that I deserve to be taken care of, that my health deserves to be looked after.
DOes this all sound ridiculous? I feel like it does. But honestly, I truly feel that as I began to like myself again and love myself again, this fear has dissipated to almost nothing. I truly feel I deserve the best health care possible and that if I do have cancer, I owe it to myself to catch it early and fight it.
I soooooooo understand where you're coming from. It also doesn't help we have neglected this for 10 years so we have REALLY built it up to astonishing proportions!
My T and I also did some exposure therapy early on where I would go to the Dr's office (she's in the same building as my T) and I would sit in her office waiting room for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes at a time. This helped a lot as well. Waiting rooms can be so ominous. But thishas helped cut down on the mystique so to speak.
Also, my T has called my Dr. and talked to her about my situation. For some reason that also makes me feel a lot better. He's explained my phobia, what we've been working on, and how she might help me get through the appointment better.
poster:Miss Honeychurch
thread:510949
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050610/msgs/510960.html