Posted by Susan47 on April 21, 2005, at 9:23:39
In reply to Re: Can't Stand it Anymore » Susan47, posted by anastasia56 on April 20, 2005, at 18:54:32
I actually read my diary, or teeny parts of it, from ten years ago. And I was the saddest thing .. I had these beautiful children, absolutely my daughter was the smartest, cutest little baby ever, she did the most audacious things ... and I loved it and enjoyed it but the whole rest of my being was in turmoil, hell, really. And I cried. I laid on the side of a grave and I cried. Then I walked over facing the ocean, sat on a bench, and cried some more, dammit. Looking at dead trees. Missing my babies. Wanting to tell them how much I loved them then, and how incapable I was of being what I really wanted to be, everything, you know? It was horrible. I'm never going back there again. The cemetery, I'm happy to say, filled me with dead souls and I recognized it. I'm happy to say that I recognized I do not want that aura.
poster:Susan47
thread:487101
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050418/msgs/487396.html