I want to work for Qantas!!

Posted by jay on March 3, 2005, at 16:22:30

> for anyone who likes airplanes, works with airplanes, wonders about airplanes, or just likes a good chuckle :-)
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>
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I don't receive many bits of humour but this one was really cute, I have to admit.

Gripe Sheet --
After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called
a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with
the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems,
document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
review the gripe sheets before the next flight . . .

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of
humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted
by Quantas' pilots and the solutions recorded by
maintenance engineers. By the way, Quantas is the only
major airline that has never had an accident.

(P= The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)
--------------------------------------------
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S:Took hammer away from midget!

Thread

I want to work for Qantas!! jay 3/3/05
Re: I want to work for Qantas!! » jay partlycloudy 3/3/05
I hope you are feeling better :-) (nm) » partlycloudy jay 3/3/05
Re: I want to work for Qantas!! Damos 3/3/05
And they've NEVER crashed--- (nm) Glydin 3/3/05
Yes, thank heavens for new days. (nm) » jay partlycloudy 3/4/05
Re: Histerically Funny!!!!!!!!!1 (nm) » jay AdaGrace 3/5/05

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