Posted by tampagirl70 on January 4, 2005, at 13:26:09
Its a new year, but I feel like 2004 never ended for me. In late October I got a cold and was put on some meds. Ever since then, I just haven't been "right." I started obsessing and got depressed in November and was still obsessing in early December. I'm not sure what exactly happened in December, maybe it was the increase in the Celexa I take, but by mid December I was feeling much better and not obsessing. My parents came down for Xmas and that was a very stressful visit, to say the least. My husband and I stayed home for New Year's this year for the 1st time in 6 years and I was very sad about it for a while. When I finally accepted the fact that we weren't going anywhere, I felt ok with it. We ended up having some of his friends over on New Year's Eve and I had a good time. I tend to binge drink - when I do decide to drink something, I have more than I normally would - and I drank a lot on New Year's Eve. The next day I had a slight hangover, but nothing was really bothering me. The other night and maybe late last week or 2 weeks ago, my husband wanted to get a little frisky and I wasn't in the mood, which I let him know. Now I've started thinking about this and I'm worrying about our relationship (again! this is what I obsess about) and how I'm not very interested in sex and loads of other relationship related things. Why couldn't I just have 1 or 2 glasses of wine instead of a whole bottle (over 5 or 6 hours)? I've been trying to get my husband to go away for a weekend sometime this month or next and today he told me that we could go somewhere in a couple weeks. When we hung up, neither of us said "I love you", but we don't say it all the time anyway. Instead of just blowing it off or not even thinking about it, I started analyzing it and thinking that if I didn't say it, then maybe I don't love him. Do you see how this cycle works? I want to go away and have a good time and just have an obsession-free life like I was having prior to October. I hate being this way. I don't understand why this is happening, why my thoughts aren't just going away like they have in the past. I want to stay in bed longer every morning and hate getting up. I don't want to go to the gym even though I need to. I feel like I'm missing something in my life but I'm not sure what. So many issues...way too much space in my head to think about them.
poster:tampagirl70
thread:437674
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041226/msgs/437674.html