Posted by partlycloudy on December 6, 2004, at 15:05:17
The well oiled machine of my brain is not behaving like it should. Had a great couple of weeks on a new med and in the last 2 days the anxiety and panic are back. I'm terrified of starting with this new therapist - like that makes any sense??!! - because I've been in therapy for a year and all I know how to do is kinda sorta how to meditate not really. Feeling like I haven't accomplished a full recovery from depression, anxiety, and panic in 6 weeks of leave from work. (Like all I'd have to do was work on it full time....)
Crisis of confidence? Manifestation of depression? All the things I know intellectually - that I'll be fine with my new T, that meds are made to be adjusted (or so it seems), that everyone has good and bad days; see I can even write common sensibly!!! - but today is a rotten day, a 1mg xanax day (day for me). I forced myself to the gym this morning and to a store this afternoon as I have sensed that if I don't push myself out of the front door it will only get worse.
I'm even freaking out about what to buy family members for christmas when I've never in all these years even received a thank you for any of them. Tearing my hair out over NOTHING NOTHING but the tricks my mind is playing on me how cruel.OK, that was the bad stuff. I have promised myself that for all my whining, I will point out the good things I have going on: Not drinking. Spending oodles of time with my husband. Bonding on a psychic level with my cat, Psycho. Having cooked the entire Thanksgiving meal by myself (ah, the luxury of time), and having hardly any leftovers, even though half the recipes I'd never used before that meal. Being able to read a whole book. Being able to rejoin the book club and *gasp* socialize with some members. Look ma, No cavities.
poster:partlycloudy
thread:425329
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041202/msgs/425329.html