Posted by sdjeff on November 1, 2004, at 21:35:25
Me again.
I am getting to the point where maybe going to the hospital would be a good idea.
It's hard to explain, but I just feel emotionally flat. The only things I seem to be able to feel are guilt, sadness, irritability and anxiety. I can't feel "good" for longer than a few seconds at a time. My meds are working, just not in the best ways. The Zyprexa is making me flat while I have no idea what the cymbalta is doing, if anything.
I've been ruminating on suicide a lot lately. I am so tired of waking up in the morning feeling like a train wreck. I'm tired of not being able to enjoy my time with my daughter. I am tired of life in general and I feel so worthless.
I made a deal with myself that if things got bad enough I would go to the ER. I am just scared. I have no doubts about being admitted, but I don't know what to expect after that. I am worried about the time away from my daughter, I think she'd have a hard time understanding.
poster:sdjeff
thread:410373
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041026/msgs/410373.html