Posted by partlycloudy on October 31, 2004, at 6:07:49
This is just a little diary I guess to keep me reminded of how i'm doing on leave of absence from work.
overall, my mood swings have dimished but are just as severe when they happen. Crying or screaming, they feel the same, like it's not me who is doing this, but the illness. I don't feel like a loser - my biggest success to date! - i just feel ill.
new hormone treaatment is making me feel much better. fewer hot flashes, no migraines so far, fingers and toes are crossed that this one is going to work long term for me.
p-doc thinks i may need a change in AD if the mood swings don't resolve. i've only tried one mood stabilizer (zyprexa) and had a dreadful reaction to it. i don't mind "waiting and seeing" as this is why i'm on leave - to sort this stuff out without having the entire office dragged along for the ride.i've had so much more support from my coworkers than i would ever thought possible: one lovely phone call, two beautiful cards with sincere offers to help me; i am so lucky to have these fine people in my life.
i have had way too many items on my internal "to do" lists. Last week it took me 4 days to make a batch of brownies, compelte with 2 bouts of hysteria and a panic attack while buying the ingredients. i have pared down my expectations for now and am taking it easier on myself. one accomplishment a day is enough for now. today it will be trying a recipe for marinated mushrooms. (i have the ingredients assembled.)
i am discovering how much better i feel when i get to listen to music i love. it strips away ALL symptoms of depression and anxiety, and lets my soul soar. i keep the mental image of the looney tunes cartoon of bugs bunny playing the violin to soothe the tasmanian devil. that's me, alright. last week we saw David Byrne in concert and i sang along with the rest of the audience all evening long. it was a lovely patch of freedom. funny enough, sitting around the house, i cannot pick what music i want to hear. it seems like too much of a big deal, even though i know i just have to change the cd on the stereo if i no longer want to listen. that seems like way too much effort. have been listening to internet radio quite a bit, which helps.
ok, that's my report for now. thanks for giving me a place to put it.
pc
poster:partlycloudy
thread:409467
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041026/msgs/409467.html