Posted by headachequeen on October 29, 2004, at 16:05:03 [reposted on October 30, 2004, at 1:31:27 | original URL]
In reply to Going off Welbutrin also..... » rainy, posted by stresser on October 29, 2004, at 12:53:53
> As for asking M what she wants, I have done that endlessly. Her pdoc. has also done that when she's by herself and with us in there with her. She says "I don't know", and we ask "what do you mean?" She then says "I don't know" I just keep waiting for her to let me know, but for now things are going smoother.M doesn't know what she wants...
she lacks self-esteem... she doesn't like herself but she doesn't like herself... and does not know how to say that -- heaven, she does not know how to identify that reality...
what teenager, what adult really, knows how to roll out of bed and recognise the fact that she or does not like her/himself?
and then when faced with a room full of people, adults too boot, mother, father, and therapist, is able to admit it out loud?
Well, I am not able to do that...
I can do it here because there are no faces to see...
Hey, world, I am not satisfied with me; I do not particularly like very much either and I am not sure who else could unless I achieve the perfect size, look, appearance, job, outfit, basically unless I am brilliant and all the things that they expect me to be, all the things they expect of me. I can say that here in a face-less room with no one I am ever going to see or meet in real life. But there she is in a room with three people who matter very much to her, two of whom she loves and she hopes, but is not always certain, love her...
What do you want, M? Well, how is she supposed to answer?Reminds me of an experience a few years ago when we hosted two Canada World Youth participants. They were here for three months. For three days they were away on one of those let's learn about ourselves experiences and our two came back ready to throw in the towel and go home...
one of the activities, directed by the untrained leaders was one in which the participants pinned sheets of paper on their backs then sat in a circle while each participant walked around writing on their backs the thing they liked most and the worst thing about each participant. Now they were with these people only on work sites and when they socialised. The idea was to integrate with the families as much as possible. As we are a bilingual family and our Canadian participant was a francophone wanting to learn English as did our hispanich participant, our two were very much with our family, and delightful girls. Our hispanic girl happened to come from the wealthy part of a poor island country and was further along in university than were the others, all university students. These students all assumed she was a snob and wrote derogatory and cruel comments about her and NO positive comments. SHe brought home her sheet.
She wanted to leave the programme. We spent a night and a day talking her into staying and toughing it out, showing them that she was better stuff than they were...
Here is M in the same position in a way... put in a room with three people whe she needs to impress because they hold her future in their handds...
and one of them asks what she wants...
does the therapist expect her to ask for candy or toys? a new car? new clothes?
She wants to be accepted be her peers, to be loved, to be acceoted and loved and wanted, she wants to fit in and be loved at home, to know that if she makes a mistake and has an accident she will still be loved, that if she has a poor mark she is still loved, that if she does not look like Barbie it does not matter, that no matter what, she is loved for who she is...
She wants to be loved no matter what and does the therapist think that she can say this in front of him or to him?
I couldn't tell my therapist this... I can write to all of you but uou are not sitting in this room...
maybe I should email him a copy...
and he wanted to have sessions with my husband there... yeah, right...
im his next life!
sorry it is so long
but it hit a nerve or three
kat
poster:headachequeen
thread:408991
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041026/msgs/408993.html