Posted by saw on September 23, 2004, at 1:25:10
In reply to Need lots of encouragement, posted by Wildflower on September 22, 2004, at 12:57:10
Hi Wildflower
I felt very strongly for you when reading your post. Particularly since I understand COMPLETELY how you are feeling. One sentence that struck me was that you said "How did I let myself slide this far". You didn't. You became depressed and chemically imbalanced, whichever happens first and what you are feeling, experiencing and going through is out of your control. The frustration at the lack of desire and energy is debilitating.
I do not think I am in remission, though meds have brought me out of the deepest slump so that I am functioning again. There is still so much that suffers around me though. Particularly my focus and concentration at work. They are almost non existant. But I am somehow plodding on.
I relapsed earlier this year and "helping" factors were an unwanted move from my lovely house to a really gross apartment and getting married. I still have boxes stashed away because I kept saying I would sort them out after the wedding. That was months ago and I still haven't been able to get myself to sort it out, let alone tidy the cupboards. The worst guilt and confusion I suffered was that I should be ecstatic about getting married to the man of my dreams, yet all I could do was cry and I was filled with so much inexplicable rage. I don't remember laughing much on my honeymoon. And if I did, my eyes weren't smiling. And ALL the while I kept saying that it shouldn't be like this. Why, Why, Why?
It is not unbelievable how quickly you slipped and I emphasize again, you did not *let* yourself slide. You did not choose to feel the way you are feeling.
I have cheekily taken to ignoring my phone at work, especially on days when my mood shines through my voice.
You are not alone. Write about it as much as possible or as much as you can, you said to pc that if you are posting then it must be bad. Support from those who understand is essential. And you will get that support here.
Strength and thoughts
Sabrina
poster:saw
thread:393704
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040914/msgs/393972.html