Posted by sb417 on August 27, 2004, at 0:42:29
In reply to I love a man who doesn't love me., posted by PhoenixGirl on August 26, 2004, at 23:06:27
This reminds me of the advice a former therapist once gave to me about a man I was in love with. The therapist said, "He's telling you who he is. BELIEVE HIM!" Often, we are not lucky enough to have the other person tell us how he honestly feels. Assuming he is being honest with you -- or, as honest with you as he is with himself -- be grateful for that. It would be much more devastating if he told you how much he loved you just so that he could lure you into bed, and then abandoned you. It sounds as if things are going too fast, and he knows himself well enough to slow down. Or, perhaps he isn't interested, but he doesn't want to put it quite that bluntly. If you force the issue, chances are that the relationship won't last, but it may not last anyway. That other person is not who we want him to be; he is who he is. You are not in the same place right now in terms of your needs, and you may never be. You said he has a "dark past," but you did not elaborate. If his past is that dark, and if he hasn't resolved those dark issues, you may end up getting deeply hurt -- or worse. Whatever you do, don't fall into the trap of thinking that all he needs to heal the wounds of his dark past is your love. However banal this may sound, "if it's meant to be, it will be." If it's not meant to be, don't try to force it. It's best to put your energy into a relationship with someone who is emotionally capable of being in one. A few years ago, I looked through that bestseller "The Rules." Some of the book was awful, but some of it made a lot of sense. If you can find a copy, I think it's worth skimming. The gist of the book is that if a man is interested in you, he'll call you, he'll invite you out. You won't have to force yourself on him. If a man is interested in you, you won't have to sit by the phone and pine and sigh, waiting for a phone call that may never come. If a man is interested in you, you'll know it. If he's not interested, don't waste your time. Move on, and find someone who is interested.
poster:sb417
thread:382763
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040820/msgs/382788.html