Posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 26, 2004, at 23:45:38
In reply to Re: Very triggering memories and questions-antigua, posted by RH on August 26, 2004, at 22:23:43
I hear what you are saying and I agree with it. However, I have never met anyone that does all this forgiving thing. In my opinion, only the creator can forgive all things that have ever been done. Take for example the serial killer in our area that was caught. He stalked these 7 young women and one by one dismembered their bodies and threw them in a crocodile infested canal years ago. He is up for parole and he says he will do it again. Hmmmm Is a schziophrenic? No. Is is manic depressive? NO. He has not only hurt those women, but their families and the grief will be felt by generations to come. Decentants of this generations will not even realize that depression of grief caused such generational depression.
The fact that murder, rape, suicide, molestation are like wildfire all around us, RH. Doesn't look like much forgiving is going on here to me.
When someone shoves things down my throat as a child, I physically, mentally, and emotionally need to throw it up out of my system and send it packing back to the belonger. Forgiveness can't be forced. For myself, being raped and tortured beyond my mind could even handle as a child, a large part of me blamed myself. Truth is that I was always innocent. I needed to forgive me. So, yes I absolutely agree with the forgiving thingy.
In my on experience, all the family members that tell me to forgive are the the very ones that haven't forgiven anyone and are in denial of their own pain. As I mentioned before, they are still experiencing extreme depression and suicidal actions by proxy or medicating the pain or even using religon. However, they still preach on a daily basis how I need to forgive the very thing they haven't dealt with. It's very sad.
This reminds me of a patient that I had on a cardiac unit that weighed 410 pounds. She had 2 sons murdered from a drug deal gone wrong. She said she forgave everyone involved. However, her body was telling a different story. She said she forgave them to put it out of her mind, but her weight said it was eating her to death.
Everyone wants me to just put my pain away nicely, because it makes them unconfortable and it scratchs on their issues. Well, I don't put my feelings under the covers for anyone anymore, because that made me sick physically. It is freeing to allow how I feel to surface and not be dictated by anyone.
The stages of grieving come when a person is ready and not when others want it to. I am grieving. My mind is grieving. My body is grieving and this is healthy. Dis-ease comes to the body that fails to grieve properly. Forgiving comes after acceptance. Those tv shows want you just get over it now. Well, some of those people pushing those issues have not lost a child, spouse or been rape or molested.
poster:Shadowplayers721
thread:379276
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040820/msgs/382773.html