Posted by Atticus on August 23, 2004, at 20:11:41
In reply to Re: Fragmentation » Jai Narayan, posted by fallsfall on August 23, 2004, at 9:05:15
I have experienced something very similar to what you describe, but I'm not sure if it's exactly what you mean when you talk about "fragmentation."
One of the little "bonuses" of my depression is severe panic disorder, and I typically experienced a feeling of disintegration during particularly nasty episodes. This is the best way I can try to capture this sensation. It feels like I am hollow and made out of dried clay. Then the clay that forms my head starts to crumble into dust and fall into the dark empty cavity of my body. As my head flakes into tiny pieces that feel no bigger than grains of sand, I grow terrified because I literally feel like I am ceasing to exist as a person and just becoming crumbs. My eyes and face feel like they're just falling all out of alignment and any type of coherent structure, and I end up trying to hold myself, my sense of identity, together by sheer force of will, but I have this overwhelming sense that it's a losing battle and that I as a person, as I conceive of myself, will be gone in a matter of minutes, as if I never existed. I don't know if this is analgous to your sensations, but it has never failed to scare the hell out of me. I've learned a lot of deep breathing exercises and those seem to help "reassemble" me, but it usually takes a benzo as well. Don't know if all that is helpful or relevant. Atticus
poster:Atticus
thread:380871
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040820/msgs/381517.html