Posted by Klokka on August 17, 2004, at 23:43:38
In reply to When did this happen or has it happened yet? » Klokka, posted by tootercat on August 17, 2004, at 16:58:20
We dropped him off at the clinic this morning (August 17th.) I guess he's been put to sleep now... hope, even, because that means he's not terrified and alone anymore - I can't really do anything to reverse the decision.
I don't want to be here anymore. When my mom came home it was as bad as I anticipated. She kept blaming me, and wouldn't leave me alone even while I was still able to ask her politely. (After that, um... things kindof degenerated and I ended up leaving the house without a plan at a moment's notice for the first time since, well, ever.) I just got back from a friend's house... I don't want to sleep tonight. It's so strange to go to bed without him somehow managing to hog the middle of it. They moved the trash can to where his litterbox was, so now I think of it every time I need to throw something away, because it's not usually there. Why does it all seem so malicious? Even the therapist I saw today agreed that the circumstances of this morning looked either ignorant (they've been using the cat as a threat since we got him, and I've fallen into panic every time, how could they not know?) or ill-intentioned. I hate myself for not being awake to stop it when I still could've. I've been setting my alarm for 6-7 in the morning to get ready for school - why not today? Turns out my dad called in hysterics and my mom overestimated the problem when she called the vet. (She's been married to the man for almost two decades and known him far longer! How could she not have taken his tendency to exaggerate into account?) She blames me for that, too... and because I don't always clean the dishes immediately when she asks, or anticipate how the house needs to be cleaned when she's never taught me. I hate myself for being a little annoyed when I'd be tired and he'd beg to leave and enter my room repeatedly... I'd give anything to hear him pawing at that door again.
poster:Klokka
thread:378596
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040811/msgs/378963.html