Posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 11, 2004, at 22:59:38
In reply to Feel Trapped, Helpless, posted by Cinderella on August 11, 2004, at 20:33:25
I hear a lot of depression in what you write. This isn't all about decisions. It's how you view things now. I hear a lot of negative self- labeling. I hear a sense of non-accomplishments. I sense a believe of failure.
What you don't hear - you are raising children still, maintaining a home, involved in a marriage, commuting to work, living in a dangerous area, just been robbed and not feeling safe, working hard 7 days a week. BUT, you expect more. Why do you expect so much of yourself?
You have done spins around my life. I haven't touched what you have done and you don't think that was enough or you label yourself as codependent. You were taught to help others and you did that, but that's not totally codependent. Unless, you are choosing it today. You were a child and helped your mom cope as best as you could do. That's not a bad thing. You seem to put a label on that. You loved your mom otherwise you wouldn't have done it. Would you label your daughter as codependent if you had to be taken care of? What if she grew up and became a nurse from it? How would you feel?
Now, you can do something else. Your body and mind are saying, "I want something for me." Please don't run your decisions down or label yourself. Your children will model that. They come from you. If mom thinks she is a failure, well I must be too. You have to treat you kindly and stop the 12 hours 5 days a week though. That's easy for me to say, but that's too much. Your body is talking volumes. Can you find a job closer or move now?
Your daughter is your daughter for life. As far as math, I didn't learn math until I went to a community college either. I didn't blame my mother for it. Sometimes, we are ready to learn until we are paying the tab. Children aren't going to come out perfect. Nothing in life is really perfect. But, I believe that you have a standard of perfection for you in there somewhere.
By the way, I don't remember any parenting classes in nursing school. They shoved so much information in my head so fast it wasn't funny and threw me to the real world. Developmental Psychology was in there, but not parenting. By the way, do you really feel that you were able to ever be just a kid while trying to help your mom? Maybe now is a wake up call to have some fun. Things sound too serious and intense. I believe in therapy and I go too, but they do teach us just to get back in touch with the parts of ourselves we thought were gone. There is a creative fun loving woman in there just waiting to come out. Maybe this life is smothering her? Have you thought about medication for this depression? You might not have the energy due to the depression. Have you had a physical lately?
poster:Shadowplayers721
thread:376602
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040811/msgs/376678.html