Posted by ghost on August 11, 2004, at 19:38:07
last night i had an episode i hadn't had in awhile.
my thoughts were jumbled, i couldn't string together coherent ideas, i was downright confused and i felt like my sanity was slipping away. i messaged a friend something about zombies eating my brains, and didn't really comprehend it until several hours after the fact when i was scrolling through the history of our conversation. i was antsy and agitated and just overall really confused. i wasn't sure how i got to the hotel (on my househunting trip, presently) or why.
i ran out of my anti-psychotic a few days ago and when pondering taking some xanax to try to calm me down, i found one of my pills. i usually only take half, but i had no way to break it so i took the whole thing. an hour later, i was better. (but embarassed-- that one friend wasn't the only one to get confused and twisted messages from me last night). right now i'm okay, but i'm really afraid that when it leaves my system tomorrow, i'll get confused again.
it is interesting, however. because it must mean that my meds are working. i was starting to slip into the "they're just sugar pills" mode again and thinking they weren't actually doing anything.
i'm not really sure what to do, because i need to be focused and on-task this week in order to find a place to live. i'm alone and not sure where to go for help. i really don't want to go to a hospital if i get like this again (I had half a mind to call 911 last night because i was so confused i didn't know what was going on)-- i mean, if i know enough to think about 911, i can't be that bad, right?
are there ways to combat this confusion? do i have to start carrying notes as reminders? i feel so silly doing that. are there meditations out there? i wonder if i could calm myself to do such things. but it's worth a shot to be armed tomorrow in case anything goes wrong. i just hope it doesn't happen when i'm with a real estate agent. how embarassing.
poster:ghost
thread:376559
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040811/msgs/376559.html