Posted by JenStar on August 8, 2004, at 22:55:34
In reply to sharing with new friends, posted by octopusprime on August 8, 2004, at 9:25:38
hi Octopus,
it sounds like you really want and need a friend to confide in, and it's cool that you have the courage to reach out and 'try out' this person to see if she has what it takes to be your friend and be there for you.For me, it's always a bit nervewracking to trade confidences with someone at first, because it's kind of new and we're still building the trust.
I usually use my gut to help me decide. If I get a sort of sick "what the he** did I tell them THAT for!?" feeling, it means that I might have given too much too soon, or I had a subconscious suspicion that this person might not be trustworthy, or that this person might not really understand.
Like Dinah, I tend to withhold really personal things (I think that's what Dinah said!) except from a handful of close, very trusted friends. I've made the mistake of telling too much to a blabbermouth friend and learned the hard way!
But I really, really give you a lot of credit for reaching out. I guess the only way to make friends is to put yourself out there and work at it, like you'd work at any other task (work, learning a skill, etc.) I hope this person is worthy of you. And if she isn't, there def. IS a good friend out there for you!
If you are worried she will tell others, I'd recommend talking to her again and saying something like "I know I said 'use your judgement' but in retrospect, the things we talked about are highly personal and private to me, and I'd really like to keep them between us. If you've already told your boyfriend I understand, but please don't tell anyone else. And please ask him to do the same." Her response to you will give you a good marker for whether she's the kind of person who will turn into a good, true friend.
Good luck!
JenStar
poster:JenStar
thread:375286
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040802/msgs/375470.html