Posted by Angel Girl on July 15, 2004, at 21:46:45
In reply to Re: » Angel Girl, posted by TexasChic on June 30, 2004, at 10:57:48
> I'm sorry your meds are messed up right now, that's the worst. When you're in the pits of depression, everything seems impossible. I hope you get the right treatment for you soon, because that will make a world of difference.
>
> You know, I'm in the same boat about screwing up every relationship I get into. I've had three different 'best' friends in my adult life, and each one hurt me bad enough that I had to cut them out of my life. To me that seems screwed up, but my T says its self preservation and being assertive. Eventually I finally realized that as much as each one hurt me, I wouldn't give up the good times we had for anything in the world.
>
> I'm also trying to work on myself, things like self esteem, and being comfortable with my own company. Once I move out of the negative environment that I'm currently in (my move in date is 7/9!), I feel like I'll be able to do the introspective things that I need to.
>
> Your whole discription about how you react to relationships and not thinking like a 'normal' person describes me to the T. But right when I was feeling just as you are, like I shouldn't even let myself form any relationships because I was crazy or something, I made a friend at work. Our relationship is turbulent (mainly because of my taking things the wrong way and obsessing over everything she says to me), but it seems to be sticking. She seems to want to be my friend even though I have all these problems. She's even helping me to realize that not all our disagreements have been my fault. Its as if right when I needed encouragement in this particular area, fate put her in my path. I don't know if this will be a lifelong friendship, but I'm trying to accept it for what it is now. The thing is, for every relationship that doesn't work out, I learn something significant. Things like, people need their space, or maybe that I shared too much too soon and then expect them to do the same, setting myself up for disappointment.
>
> I guess the point I'm trying to make is, don't give up. I'm not trying to say you need to do something you're not ready for yet. I just wanted to assure you that things can change if you keep working at it. I mean, really what other options do we have, right? If we give up, that means a certain life of misery. But if we keep trying, at least there's a chance for things to get better.
> *Note: Just to make sure I'm not misunderstood, I'm not talking about chemical imbalances or anything like that, but rather changing traits within yourself that are working against you goals.)
>
> I hope I'm not sounding preachy. I'm just trying to share my own experiences, just in case it might accidently help you or someone else. And plus, I may need to be reminded of some of this stuff on one of my bad days.
>
> Hope you get your meds straightened out soon! :-)
TCWOW!!! Looks like I've procrastinating in coming back to the board. I guess you're moved now. How's that going? I'm glad that you've made a new friend and it sounds like she has the right kind of personality for you, along with the patience required to deal with all the *stuff*. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who thinks the way I do. I've really kept to myself since I've posted last. My pdoc added Topamax a week ago and I can barely stay awake. No energy whatsoever. I haven't even looked at my e-mail until tonight. Gasp! I think fate brought that friend to you and it's good that even if your friendships aren't for a lifetime, that at least you come away from each one, learning something from them, possibly making the next one easier.
Oh, btw, it would be so nice to hear once in awhile that it's not my fault. I'm so sick of everybody telling me that everything is my fault, like nobody else can ever do anything wrong. I'm glad you found a more realistic friend. :)
AG
poster:Angel Girl
thread:360012
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040706/msgs/366704.html