Posted by Scott in Vermont on July 13, 2004, at 10:32:03
You have all helped me on a journey that has not been an easy one. My first post on Babble was on the Meds board, and I wanted to know if anyone else here took Lexapro and lifted. I was terrified to ask anything else, and I sure as all get out didn't want to be honest about anything or talk about anything that mattered, let alone tell you anything "real" about myself (telling you I lifted wasn't threatening, telling you I was in a bitter divorce and that I constantly struggled with suicidal ideations was).
But over time I read what you all posted, and I felt a lot more comfortable, and started opening up here. I started giving a bit of myself to others, sharing my experiences in hopes that what I had already been through might help give some perspective to someone else, and also sought advice from others who may have experienced the things I was starting to go through.
In all, I found Babble to be a very positive experience.
I have developed some very nice friendships here. I have feelings for people here that I cannot quite explain in a way that would sound ration to anyone else that has not had those same feelings in a similar situation. Suffice to say, there are some Babblers here who have made a rather profound impact on my "behind the scenes" life, and I thank them for that. You know who you are.
I would be remiss if I failed to thank Dr. Bob for making all of this possible. Yes, in the cosmic scope of things, we're all part of a long-term psychosocial experiment that he's probably going to publish a huge analytical text on that will alter the course of psychotherapy for the next 20 years, and honestly, I really hope that he does and that it DOES change things. So three cheers for Dr. Bob!
And it is here that I come to the meat of my post- I am leaving Babble. Not for a little while, but for good. I am not well, I am cycling faster and faster, my meds change every month, my pdoc is frustrated (not with me, but with himself and with how my condition is screwing with me, and how every time we think we have cornered it, it slips out around us and we wind up chasing it... again) my T is worried and upped me to weekly appts again, my girlfriend is keeping track of me 24/7, and I think I'm going to take some time off from the world (meaning I'm thinking about checking myself in) because while I'm ok this very minute, I won't be in about an hour.
Babble is a mixed blessing for me. I like being here, but I make people worry. People care about me and people like me, and then *poof*, I disappear and I'm gone and people wonder what the heck is going on and then I come back all enigmatic and I sometimes post a lot worse than I really am, and then other time I am a lot worse than I really post. So I am going to stop posting.
However, I have a pretty good friend here. You'll never guess who it is. I have asked them (appointed them, actually... ha) to be my point of contact, so if anyone ever wants to know how I am doing, they'll keep you updated. And as always, I can be reached (probably... I don't check it very often so don't freak out if I don't respond for a few days) at my email address: scottinvt@hotmail.com
Be well, my friends. I promise I'll do my best to do the same. And if I can, I will come back someday. That's not being dramatic, that's just being hopeful. But know this- I'm not coming back until I'm better. And that's that.
-Scott in Vermont
poster:Scott in Vermont
thread:365631
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040706/msgs/365631.html